Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Cut The Fat

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This Little Piggy Started A Modeling Agency

Janice interviews yet again that she wants her models to be in shape through proper diet, proper nutrition, and proper exercise. Lady, we get it -- you're not telling them to snort coke -- do as I say, not as I do -- etc., etc. She tells one girl that you can't sashay down the runway with a big old booty. That eliminates me. I grew up looking like a stick, though, so I am a little proud of the junk in my trunk. Hip-hop Marcus is up next, and Andre asks what he does when he works out. He says, "Tris, bis, and abs," and Janice says that sounds like a club. Is your shot glass filled? Okay, then. Janice tells Marcus to roll up his jams. Yes, she actually calls his shorts "jams," which I, having lived through jams, find hilarious. Marcus says, "I ain't got no draws on." Which, okay, not the greatest. But then Janice starts imitating him. Marcus interviews that Janice told him to stop it with the jive talk, and he doesn't know what that means. First jams, now jive talk. Pretty soon she's going to say, "What, you think this cracker don't know what she's talking about? When I'm done with you even your jerry curl will be straight! Fa sizzle!" Andre gets Marcus to articulate (inarticulately, of course) that "draws" can mean both underwear and, well, drawers. Janice imitates Marcus for a while, and even throws in a "Wassssuuuuuuup," for good measure. If they could re-edit this episode, I would advocate for a "Where's the beef?" response when Marcus says that he isn't wearing any draws.

Shaggy Doo, whose name is actually Chris Vanek, takes off his clothes, and Janice says, "Good God." Ah, the Janice we know and love! She interviews that a model may walk tall when he or she comes in the door, but she's going to take them apart from head to toenail. She is going to destroy their self esteem and then rebuild it, because the models have to be professional. Thank God every job isn't like that. Janice walks over to Nyabel, who is conspicuously not naked. Janice asks whether she's going to take her clothes off, and Nyabel says no. Oooh, bad. Janice then rants, "I'm going to stake my name to put you on magazines..." -- fine, right? -- "...to put sisters on magazine covers where they belong...." Oh, dear. Isn't that Tyra's territory? Anyway, Janice is appalled that Nyabel isn't going to take her clothes off. Janice tells Nyabel that she has two choices: 1) walk half-naked up to Andre; or 2) walk out the door. With this particularly spine-tingling bit of tension, we head to commercials.

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Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency

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