Meanwhile, Oxygen will soon be premiering a new show in which regular people get Shannen Doherty to break off their relationship for them. If you have to have Shannen Doherty break up with your significant other for you, you are in worse shape than even, well, Shannen Doherty.
When we return, we relive the Soren/Serene/Daniel incident. Janice voices over that the girlfriend parked her ass in the front of the agency and was craning to look to see whether any other woman would touch Soren/Serene/Daniel. Maybe he actually asked the girlfriend to come to protect him from Janice. Janice then goes to S/S/D and demonstrates how she wants the female model to wrap around him -- "like a tarantula," she says, but with a little more ass. Nice. The girlfriend is indeed craning. Janice then yells to a lackey to take S/S/D's pants off. The girlfriend's neck actually almost pops off of her head. Janice notes that the girlfriend has jealousy issues, and says that nothing's going to happen on the photo shoot that wouldn't happen "out there." "Out there" being Janice's boudoir. If S/S/D gets picked for the show, he, his girlfriend, Janice, and Sylvester Stallone are totally going to end up on a special Paternity Test episode of Maury in a few months. The underwear-clad S/S/D poses with the half-naked lady, and Janice tells him to block out everything in the room except for her direction. She shoots them and notes that a photograph says everything, from the "it quality" to softness. Models have to be able to radiate from within. Janice says that they got the shot and everyone applauds. Except the girlfriend.
Next we meet a girl named Naz Mandighomi who is nineteen-years-old and from Valencia, California. Janice seems to like her. She takes a bikini-clad Naz out on the balcony to shoot her. With a camera. And what does it say about Janice that I just had to specify "with a camera"? She tells her to be Vogue rather than "cutsie-pie" Playboy. Suddenly, Janice notes Naz's sagging ass and asks how old she is. Janice says that she's fifty-one and her ass is tighter than Naz's. Yes, but she has small gnomes working round the clock to pull and stretch it into place. Janice tells us that it is crucial for a model to be in shape, and you can't have your ass hanging off of the back of your kneecaps. Janice sits down with Naz and tells her to work on her diet and to get in shape and then come back and see her, because she can't send her out all flabby and shit. Every minute of this show makes me just a little more anorexic. Janice says that she's telling this to Naz woman-to-woman, and it hurts her to have to say it. It totally does not hurt her to say it. Janice forgets that several seasons of ANTM have documented her hatred of all things fleshy. She says that if she doesn't have a flabby ass -- which she most certainly doesn't -- Naz can't have one either. But for some reason Nyabel (a.k.a. Sudanese) can. I don't get it. Naz seems to handle this criticism like a pro, and says that it was a pleasure before she leaves. That's how it's done, cow triplets.