Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Get Down To Business

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Bonjour, Bitches! Part Deux!

Previously: Janice chose five out of five hundred hopefuls to be the experimental model guinea pigs for her new endeavor as proprietor of a modeling agency. We did not get to witness the electrodes being snapped to their heads. But this is only the beginning! Of the end of Janice's sanity. I mean, seriously. Raise your hand if you think Janice can handle the stress. Put your hands down, Janice. You know yourself better than that. The previews promise a bit more coke-fueled rage, and I am instantly comforted to see the return of the Janice we know and love. Her comparative calm and lucidity in the first half of the premiere made me really nervous.

The credits are still awesome, and Janice continues to do her thing, whatever it is that she does. And if that thing has to be done in a mullet wig, that's just how it is, bitches.

We cut from the credits to Janice telling us that after her first successful open call, she realized that the office space she had was way too small. If her lips and her chest are any indication, this sort of thing seems to happen quite a bit. Janice says that she needed a bigger space to accommodate both herself and her models. And then suddenly, a caption tells us that it's three months later. The hell? Does this have anything to do with rehab number infinity? What did the models do in those three months? Has poor Teresa Cutie been able to take a shower yet? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? You can't slip a caption like that by us, bitches at Oxygen. God.

Janice voices over that she's found the beginnings of what she thinks she needs, and just has to get to the next level. Cut to Janice being driven in her car, closing her eyes, and saying, "You can do this, Janice, you can do this." Janice then voices over that she needs more models, needs a business partner, needs to make revenue for the agency, needs licenses, needs insurance, needs bookers. Uhhh...wow. Does anyone think that three months ago Janice was like, "Hey, people at Oxygen! Give me a reality show! I'm starting my own modeling agency!" And then she shot the premiere and was all, "Dooo dooo dooo make that check out to Wholesale Liquor Mart, stat!!" and Oxygen was like, "Um, you know you really have to start a modeling agency, right?" And then Janice just let out a giant rage-fueled, "Tyyyyyyyyyyyyyyraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" into the night before being hospitalized for "exhaustion" for a while? Because I'm no entrepreneur, but don't you usually get licenses and whatnot before you redecorate your office? Or before you redecorate your second office?

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Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency

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