Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Get Down To Business

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Bonjour, Bitches! Part Deux!

Speaking of the second office, it's on Hollywood and Highland, which Janice says is "the Times Square of the United States as far as entertainment in Los Angeles." I put that in my Janice to English translator and came up with, "Hollywood and Highland is the Times Square of California." You know Janice would be all, "What's a California?" Janice says that the central space is ideal, because top models in the making might walk right past her door. Janice greets someone on the sidewalk and notes that it's a beautiful day. She hasn't seen the space yet, but says that the way she's feeling, she knows it's going to work out perfectly. I would put a "foreshadowing doom" music cue here.

Janice enters the building arm in arm with "Jeff West, Janice's New Assistant." Jeff West looks a whole lot more like a gay man, and thus about 170 times more appropriate to be Janice's assistant than the Dread Triplets of the first half of the premiere. Janice loves her new, even pinker agency. She calls in Duke and Gabe, her hair and makeup team, and tells us that their opinions are really important to her because they are her creative team. And, probably in her mind, her friends. Who occasionally take money from her purse. And raid her medicine cabinet. And have had to install electric fences around their genitalia to keep her from grabbing at them when she's wasted. I would imagine. Janice can't believe that Preston Lee, her interior designer, pulled it off and gives him a big hug. I am impressed that she loves it despite the fact that there are way fewer pictures of her up than at the last office.

Janice tells us that she's had one casting call and has chosen her initial five models. These five need to get to the point where they can be sent on jobs. Janice gives us a quick rundown of who needs what. Nyabel, a.k.a. Sudanese, needs to lose a lot of weight, Crystal needs to get her hair dyed, and Teresa needs "a big nose job." Janice says that she needs to put them on "The Program" to turn them into actual working models. Do I sense an infomercial in Janice's future? "The first rule of The Program is: wash it down with Grey Goose. The second rule of The Program is: a lot can be passed off as 'back pain.' The third rule of The Program is: where the hell am I? Oh, fuck off." But in the meantime, Janice is going to hold another casting call and hopefully find the diamond in the rough that will make her agency rock. Does that mean that she kind of hates the first five already? I would not be surprised.

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Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency




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