Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Get Down To Business

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Bonjour, Bitches! Part Deux!

Janice of the Vaseline-lensed interview tells us that right now the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency consists of her and the space that she's rented. She knows great models when she sees them, but -- wait for it -- isn't sure that she can run the business aspects of the agency. She doesn't have a business license or a modeling license from the state of California. She needs a business partner. Please let it be Omarosa. Please let it be Omarosa. Please let it be Omarosa.

Alas, a dude walks in who is not Omarosa and looks kind of dumpy and frumpy and oily. He is wearing a black suit jacket with a navy blue t-shirt underneath. His name is Peter "Side Of" Hamm, and he is the CEO of Nouveau Models. He looks a little like Colin Quinn. But fatter. And probably funnier. Janice says that Peter was referred to her by friends in the industry. He runs a successful agency and, Janice helpfully explains, has the business know-how to run a successful agency.

Janice tells Peter that, just like whatever she's drinking, she'll be straight up: she has passion but no business sense, and she needs a partner with credibility. But what about all the credibility she had in the last half hour? Something tells me that Janice was introduced to her actual and factual level of credibility in those mysterious missing three months. Peter Hamms and haws. He says that he doesn't know how much business sense it makes for him to partner with her, because 95% of businesses in general fail in their first three years, and modeling agencies fail even more frequently. He says that he almost looks at her and wonders why she's doing it, because it's crazy. I will tell you this much, Peter Hamm is a bad actor. And I want him to adopt "Peter Pork" as his stage name.

Janice, who has been giving Peter Pork a steely glare throughout his doubtful monologue, grabs a picture from the side of her desk and slams it in front of him. He quietly says, "Kids." Yes, yes, kids, you fool! Kids! Janice gets a Joan Crawford eyebrow and says feverishly, "Twelve and eighteen, a boy and a girl. Who...who need things. Education and...things." That's why I recap, because my parents don't make enough money to give me education and...things. Peter, who is not up to Janice's level of film noir dialogue, starts mumbling that there is a constant battle between the artist, who will adhere to her vision without regard to money, and the businessperson, who regards money and...things. Janice says that she needs someone to rein her in and be attentive to practical matters, financial and otherwise. She says that she's Janice, and she has a reputation, and she has two children who fight every day. O...kay.

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Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency




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