Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Get Down To Business

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Bonjour, Bitches! Part Deux!

Janice voices over that as she was waiting for the models from the invite-only casting call, she had some unexpected visitors. Her new assistant, Jeff, tells her that the tacky triplets -- who she hired to be her assistants in the first half of the premiere -- are back to see her. A scowling Janice says, "They are not back to see me." She has taken off her suit jacket and has a fabulous black dress with the above-mentioned red scarf and a leopard print handbag in front of her, and I can not adequately explain to you how fucking good she looks. Jeff says that the triplets said they work for Janice, and Janice actually says, "Oh good grief." Vaseline Janice interviews that initially she thought she'd need three assistants because of her busy schedule, but she and the triplets "chemically don't get along." And this is coming from a woman who gets along with chemicals.

The triplets come bouncing in and wave at Janice in a peppy, somewhat annoying way. Janice covers her head, says, "Oh God," and then proceeds to mock their greeting. They come closer to hug her, and Janice tells them to not touch her or her Dolce dress. I half expect her to whack them with a golf club or something. Okay, I half hope that she whacks them with a golf club or something. Janice gives the triplets distant air kisses and one of them jokes that they're wearing Forever 21. Janice voices over that she doesn't even remember the name of one triplet, because she's so forgettable. Said triplet also had something smart to say about everything, and Janice doesn't need the attitude. She says that they're just not right. And they're not even deliciously wrong.

Janice sits the triplets down and tells one of them to take out her chewing gum. The triplet does and appears like she's going to stick it under the desk, and I don't have to tell you how well that goes over. Janice tells the triplets that she needs to explain something to them -- that something being the fact that they no longer work for her. Inside the office, Janice says that she no longer needs an assistant for each of her mood swings. She says that she has a new assistant and yells, "Jeff West!" and claps for him like he is a dog. And, fundamentally, he kind of is. She says that Jeff knows how to walk, talk, and stir martinis at the same time. Something tells me that the latter qualification is the one that really got him the job.

Suddenly, Ethan, the recruitment director, is there. He says that they really need a lot of help with the MySpace stuff, because they're getting a ton of emails and whatnot. Oooh, burn. They got put on MySpace duty. The only reason I can think of for this charitable act is that Ethan has maybe nailed one or all three of the triplets. Janice says in a really mean way that it's a much better suggestion to have the triplets "be out," because she can't have them in her office. Janice, who might be wasted, says, "It's nice to see you triplets, the dog looks good, black is better than pink." She ends by telling Ethan to deal with this. Ethan says that he needs to deal with Janice, because people are there to see her. As he does this, the triplets kind of confer across the table and agree that they just want to go. I'm not into the triplets at all, but you can't blame them. Janice sees this and kind of flips out and tells the triplets to go. One triplet holds a very tiny dog, which gives some context to Janice's above comment that I at first though was a really weird double entendre. Janice dismisses them with the second, "Two words: out," of the premiere. That particular catchphrase has already lost a bit of its luster. One twin, probably the smart ass one that Janice especially hates, counters that "out" is one word, and Janice yells that she never wants to see them again. I can stand behind that. Janice then says that they blew it big time, most likely because they will now never get the education and...things that they so very clearly need. Flying into a violent rage is like the second cup of coffee for Janice: she really needs it to get her day going.

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Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency




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