Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Signed, Sealed, Delivered

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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Janice yelled a lot at her incompetent arch-nemesis, which almost "shut down" a "fashion" show put on by Virgin Megastore. But Janice would stop at nothing (except her local watering hole, and only for a little pick-me-up) to make her models runway-ready, and the show went on. Tonight, mayhem and yelling. I'm sure you're surprised.

Janice begins by voicing over that starting a modeling agency is like starting any other business. But what if you are starting a kind of fake modeling agency? Is that the same thing too? I mean, not that I'm drawing any parallels or anything. I'm just thinking about something that happened to a friend named, um, Fanice Smickinson who started a fake modeling agency. So, you know, I didn't know if that was the same as starting any other business, too. Anyway, Janice says that it's imperative to build a list of clients who will turn to you again and again for job after job. I'll be sure to let Fanice know this, just in case.

Janice sits down with Peter, who looks kind of perturbed. I bet he gets that look a lot these days. Janice says that she hopes the clients that they've had so far -- like Virgin (ha!), 2(x)ist, and Lily Holt -- will utilize their models in the future. But none of that matters right now, because we're moving on to something new. Suddenly, captions read, "Meeting with the Ed Hardy Company, Janice's Agency -- 9:35 a.m." Janice yells, "Guys! Guys! Chris-tee-ahhhn is here!" Oh great, someone French. It is, in fact, Christian Audigier, CEO and Head Designer of Ed Hardy. Janice tells us that Christian was the CEO and head designer of Von Dutch before starting his own company called Ed Hardy. Didn't Von Dutch do those stupid trucker hats? Now I have a face to go with the blame. As the voice-over is happening, we see Janice escort Christian and another guy in, and then she kind of sprints off and does a half lap around the office ending with a tiny flying leap. I am serious. The Ed Hardy line, according to Janice, is a very hip, sexy, southern California kind of deal based on the work of renowned tattoo artist Don Ed Hardy. I wonder if his first name is actually Don, or if it's like Don Corleone. I hope it's the latter; I think Janice could use a few mafia ties.

Everyone sits down to talk, as Janice interviews that Christian wants to use some JDMA models in a film. Well, this certainly seems exciting! The other guy who walked in with Christian is David Ornston, the movie producer. He tells Janice, "It's a very funny bowling movie." Huh. The movie is called 7-10 Split. All I can imagine are reviews with the headline, "7-10 Shit." David interviews that there is a fashion show within the movie (of course), and Christian is designing for it. David calls him Christian "Odd-Gee-Air," which makes me worry about this whole project. More. David tells everyone at the agency that the whole movie is very sexy and young, and in fact Tara Reid is anchoring it. Early buzz is that it's a career-making performance, and that for just this film alone, Tara Reid will tie Meryl Streep's record number of Oscar nominations. In her speech, she'll thank the bowling community, who taught her that, when your life is inching toward the gutter, you just need to spray disinfectant in your rented shoes and keep on throwing the ball, baby. Christian says something repetitive in a French accent. There are also people sitting around that I have never seen before, and I don't know if they're on Janice's side or with the 7-10 Shit project. Janice tells us that the casting for the film is in two days.

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Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency




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