Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Signed, Sealed, Delivered

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So now let's go back in time for a moment, to directly after the Ed Hardy casting. Sarah approaches her family, who are waiting in the car, and tells them that she got the job. In a really monotone voice, she says that she is excited. Maybe it's hard to fit any kind of inflection around all those teeth. In the same voice, she interviews that her life is really crazy right now, because she has prom and then the shoot for the movie the following day. She feels like she's living a double life. Cut to the Sarah segment. It's her prom, and we briefly meet her parents, and then Adam, her date. Sarah monotonously asks Adam if he got her a corsage. He says that his mom told him to, but he didn't. He then says that he can order one, and Sarah says, "Mmm hmm." Yikes. Then we see Sarah in her whorish prom dress from the '80s. Seriously, she looks like a teenaged call girl (probably working for a somewhat reputable agency, not one with, like, a large-hatted pimp) in a Lifetime movie from the '80s. Sarah is Avenging Angel. It doesn't help that she enters the room where her date is waiting and says, "Like it?" Creepy.

And speaking of creepy, we are suddenly at the 7-10 Split rehearsal, where all of the guys are wearing mullet wigs. I want that to be my Rotten Tomatoes review: "All of the guys are wearing mullet wigs. Fresh!" Chris Vanek says in his strange way that it feels really great. For him, the mullet wig might be an improvement, actually. Christian says that this is a big day for his company, because the models are representing them in a movie, and they need to be beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, and rock and roll. He ends, in the way that the French do, with a "No?" And seriously...no. The models are wearing mullet wigs. Brandy says that she's wearing the most expensive clothes she's ever seen, and that she feels like a star. Well, you're not. For some reason, I am rapidly losing patience with this episode.

And here's why: suddenly, Janice is telling us that while the models are doing the Ed Hardy shoot, she's on her way to a signing at Barnes & Noble for her new book, Check Please: Dating, Mating, and Extricating. I've been getting really bad headaches for the past few weeks, and I think it's due to the ADD nature of this show. Or, maybe it's from the time that I smashed my head into the wall really hard. Anyway, Janice tells the gathering crowd that she's Janice F. Dickinson. She interviews that writing, like photography, like being a parent, like being an agent, like snorting coke off of a midget's nature trail, is just something that she loves. As she's signing a book, Janice tells the patrons not to get her signature analyzed, because they'll find out that she's insane. Well, the secret's still safe, I guess.

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Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency

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