And then -- oh, my gosh -- a little guy walks in only his boots with his hand cupping his dead rabbit, but you can TOTALLY SEE ALL KINDS OF HAIR! Oxygen should really change its motto to "Buttcracks and Pubes." Janice tells the guy that he should wax his ass. I would add, "To start with." A woman walks really poorly in heels, and Janice asks what the problem is. The woman says that she's been standing in those heels since 5:00 AM. Janice counters that she's been standing in her heels for nine hundered years and can still walk in them. Rumor has it that those particular shoes are made of the head of Paulina Porizkova and give Janice youth and beauty for the period of 905 years. Tyra should thank her lucky stars that she fired Janice, because it's nearly time for Janice to get those puppies re-soled.
In walks a woman named Claudia, whom Janice says is so hot. Janice says to Claudia in a very familiar manner, "Where the hell have you been, girl?" and Claudia replies, "Waiting for you, baby." They hug. Nathan looks on with a smile. Claudia introduces herself as Claudia Charriez, twenty-four-years-old, from New York City. Claudia walks, and Janice yells to Gabe to look at her. Peter also appears to be impressed. Janice says that Claudia's in the agency so fast that it makes her head spin. What it also makes spin are Claudia's balls, because Claudia is, in fact, a man. And when I say, "Claudia is a man," I don't mean it in the way that I do when I say, "XXX Top Model contestant is a man." I'm being literal. Claudia tells us that she made it all the way to the semi-finals of America's Next Top Model , but was disqualified because she was a transsexual. Okay, two things: 1) I can't believe Tyra didn't milk that for all it's worth; and 2) if I had know that being a transsexual disqualified you from being on the show, I could have rested a lot easier during the whole Coryn season. In any case, Claudia looks a lot better than at least 45 to 50% of the Top Model contestants. She says that Janice was a judge when she tried out, and ever since then, she's been like a guardian angel to Claudia. Janice, Patron Saint of Transsexuals. What can I say, it fits. It's also a good premise for a sitcom or wacky road buddy movie, because you know that Janice wouldn't go cross-country with any raggedy-ass dowdy Felicity Huffman transsexual, but rather a hot and supple Latina who she would call "Charo" for the whole trip.