Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency
Vegas Baby

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Walk The Skank

Ominous music plays as captioning indicates that it's 8:17 AM. Andrew tells us that he drove with Tony, and the two got really lost. I'm going to blame this on Andrew, only because I kind of like Tony. Tony and Andrew come in, and Fred asks where the hell they've been. Tony says that he got really lost and that he didn't research the MapQuest directions. And it's true that MapQuest doesn't always get you to your destination. Once Mapquest took my down a dead end where the street actually ended in, like, a forest. When it works it's great, but realistically that's only about 60% of the time. Fred tells Tony that he's getting the opportunity to have a speaking part in a national commercial and thus needs to find a way to get himself there on time. It's true. Tony tells us that this is not the first impression that he wanted to make. However, he's dressed in a shirt and tie befitting of a 1-800-DENTIST commercial, so there really isn't that much suspense about the outcome. Fred tells Tony that he'd better kick ass and Tony says that he will. 1-800-DENTIST veneers are soft at the core, I guess.

Paul, who has been through makeup and looks oranger than Jay Manuel, tells us that this is his first commercial shoot with The Janice Dickinson Agency. He adds that, having just hung around (no pun intended -- har har) in his underwear at his last job for Janice, this is a piece of cake.

The models shoot their first commercial. This entails Grayce and Natalie in white tank tops flanking Fred as he talks about something called The DaVinci Smile. Grayce tells us that they basically just had to smile the whole time. Natalie says that her face is sore. Natalie is something of an odd choice for the commercial as she's a tad bit gummy at the top. She's cute though. We see the actual commercial, which is like Cinemax After Dark for tooth fetishists. The dialogue goes like, "You'll have a smile so attractive yet so natural that people will compliment you without knowing what you've changed. If you're ready for your DaVinci smile, call us any time night or day and ask for the DaVinci dentist near you." Andrew says that it's hard just to smile for twenty minutes. He thinks that he went from happy to grimace. But not big purple Grimace of McDonald's fame. Come to think of it, Andrew would make an excellent Hamburglar. Peter would be Mayor McCheese.

It is then time for Tony. He's nervous, and says that he only just found out that he's the only one from the agency who got a speaking part. He says that this is huge, because the commercial will be playing nationally five thousand times a month and is great exposure. If anyone actually sees this on television, please email me. Tony films. He looks like a big-ass dork. He messes up several times. We see the final commercial, and it is hilarious. Basically the plot is that Tony is a big pussy dork who hasn't gone to the dentist in five years, since he moved from Chicago to San Francisco. Plagued by incurable gingivitis (okay, I might have inferred that bit) he takes time out of his busy work day and calls 1-800-DENTIST on the office phone to find a suitable replacement. If he's been in San Francisco for five years, why wouldn't he just ask a friend for a referral? Also, once again the production value is so cheesy that you totally expect the dentist that Tony ends up finding to be a blonde DD bombshell who is well versed in more than one of the oral arts. The commercial wraps, and Fred says, "All right Tony," which I guess means that he did a good job.

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Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency




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