PRETEND STAKEOUT

Holder: "Back when I was pretending I was Gil's lowlife tweaker son, before I went all Ogi Jun on him, I remember this one time his wife divorced him for being a hoarder and we took all his crazy person junk to this storage locker. Let's go break in there."
Linden: "It is humorous that his insanity is demonstrated by the great number of his things, while mine is demonstrated in the things I leave behind. I could never hope to dig a hole deep enough to contain all these things. Some of the things would be inevitably left to the elements."

AFTERSCHOOL

Stan: "Halloween is canceled! Because I am tired of Tommy's bullshit!"
Children: "We are just kids."
Stan: "If Rosie hadn't gotten murdered I know she would be tired of it too."
Tommy: "Well, she was a whore. And I'm glad she's dead. And my eyebrows are still doing that thing. And I hate you."
Stan: "WELL GUESS WHAT? I HATE YOU TOO!"

I mean, who doesn't hate Tommy. But Jesus, dude. It's like you're going backwards in parenting skills. Next week Stan'll just be marauding the streets, shaking every baby he sees. By the time they start slapping each other -- this nine-year-old kid and his heavyweight father -- you can actually see over his shoulder as the remaining starlings activate their phone tree.

Helen Starling: "Well, looks like Stan Larsen is doing his part to create a cycle of violence that will end in the deaths of many student nurses."
Gloria Starling: "Girl, no. Well, I'll notify the rest of the moms. You just pack up your nest and get out of there."
Helen: "Should we tell the squirrels? You know he's coming after them next."
Gloria: "What have the squirrels ever done for us?"

Even the birds are a-holes on this show, man.

Denny: "Little do they know I'm actually way closer to cracking than the other one."

RICHMOND HQ

Darren: "No, fuck that Indian Chief. She is the worst."
Jamie: "Is this because you love Sarah Linden so much? What is so wrong with a museum?"
Darren: "It's not about the museum, it's about her evil sick plans!"
Jamie: "Worry about that when you're Mayor, dude. Your promises won't matter when you lose anyway."
Gwen: "Seriously. First you have to win before any of this even matters."
Jamie, storming out: "Stop making us feel like assholes!"