Lone Gunmen
All About Yves

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
All About Yves, Again

So, the season finale came up rather quickly, didn't it? I'm really looking forward to having all my questions answered. And so soon! Like, what's Yves's obsession with Lee Harvey Oswald? Why is she such a ruthless mercenary -- albeit one who grudgingly indulges three journalists' whims whenever they call? Where she gets her unending supply of black leather catsuit-type garments? La Catsuit Casa? International House of Catsuits? Daffy's? Let's go shopping with the girl and see. Anyway, lights up on a giant deer head. Aaagh! No wait, it's a bar. A manly, smoky, red-woody bar. A piano tinkles gently in the background. Michael McKean -- yay -- sits at the bar chatting up a lady in a red dress. He tells her he's into espionage, not-so-subtly removes his wedding ring, and then turns to deliver the line that will surely make her fall into bed with him: the Tommy Lee Jones character from Men In Black was based on him, "loosely." Shall we get a hotel room and go do it now? Ooh, the lady in the red dress is so hot for you right now, Lenny. He somehow drops his wedding ring on the black marble bar right in front of the dame and the piano punctuates the moment with a little wah-wah-wah sound. Go, Mark Snow. The lady is guess what, disgusted, and wow, good-thing-I'm-sitting-down, leaves. Damn.

Michael McKean drunkenly weaves to his car, dame-less, when a bright light from the sky blinds him. UFO! UFO! UFO! That's a Rocket From The Crypt song, too. Then, wham: Poor Lenny is strapped into one of those alien torture-chair-cum-codpiece in which poor Mulder languished for most of this season. Damn you, Chris Carter! Not just for that, either! The thing that stretches the face looks like a fret board to a ukulele, and frankly, not at all scary. It's something H.R. Giger's toddler drew up, and didn't even get posted to the fridge. Lenny calls out, "Hello! Can we talk?" I half expect him to do that Joan Rivers gagging gesture. Then, aaagh! It's a person in an alien suit! Also not scary! Lenny sounds irritated as he says, "It's me, Majestic 12? We play for the same team?" Hee. The fake alien whips out a dental/torture device and Lenny begs him not to do that with that, because he hates that. So what is "Meherrin," then? Lenny won't say. Whirr goes the torture thing. "Meherrin" is a code name for photon weapons technology they "borrowed" from the aliens, and it took them fifty years to figure it out. But Lenny isn't a "hardware guy." Hee. The fake alien sticks the think up Lenny's nose and demands to know everything. Lenny screams, like a big baby, and his scream fades into...

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Lone Gunmen




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