Lone Gunmen
All About Yves

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Alex Richmond: B+ | Grade It Now!
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All About Yves, Again

...Jimmy's giant "YEEE-HAAW! YEEEE-HAAAAW! We rock! We are the champions!" He's in the back of the Lone Gunvan, and Frohike is happily peeling off the alien mask. Byers is like, "What a scoop! An honest-to-god man in black!" Langly is like, "Yeah, it's amazing what a Halloween costume and some sodium pentathol can do!" They're all like, yay! Hooray! What's that light shining in out eyes! It's millions of cops, with guns and Jeeps and stuff. The LGs are so busted.

The credits. For the last time?

The LGs are forced to their knees, guns to their heads, surrounded by millions of cops. Frohike looks exactly like Casper the friendly ghost. Up rolls Lenny. He looks pissed. "Shoot 'em all in the head." Langly is like, "Whoa, whoa, wait, you can't do that!" Are they playing Death is Not an Option? Lenny wants to know how the "four monkeys" knew how to find him. A tour of all the bars in D.C.? No, it was an email that provided all the juicy details. What else. And who was it from? A. Non. E. Mouse. Or, from a military server, from Romeo 61. Quick like little bunnies, Lenny and the millions of cops all scamper away, leaving the LGs on their bellies by the side of the road. Was it something they said? Their breath?

Back at the Lone Gunpad, their annoying pal Kimmy is on the keyboard: "You crack babies woke me up from one hell of a dream." Here's something every adult should know: NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR DREAMS. Write them down, or remember them, but do not share them, ever. Kimmy then says the dream was not "the dry kind," and then, "Jessica Alba." Dude, she isn't even twenty yet. Spare us. Oh, it's too late -- I'm nauseous and heading for the bottle of Jack Daniels. With ice. The LGs need him to find Romeo 61, if he can. Kimmy brags on himself, then makes that horrible fake samurai sound that Wing Chun forbad him to do again, and wham, he's hacked into the government site where Romeo 61's email originated. Hooray for hacking. The pentagon, duh. Kimmy asks Jimmy to fetch him a coffee beverage, and Jimmy makes some bully noises under his breath. Ooh, threats of violence! Kimmy keeps hacking. The find that Romeo 61 is Yves -- just kidding, they find out that Romeo 61 was in all sorts of places where there were American tragedies: the Olympic bombing, the Exxon Valdez crash, Three Mile Island, the bombing in army barracks in Lebanon...Romeo 61 is some kind of government-sanctioned rogue terrorist. Kimmy gets scared, wipes off the keyboard, and bolts. Then the LGs see that Romeo 61 was around the day Kennedy was shot. The big one. Jimmy is like, hey guys, maybe we should stop now. Then, he sprouts wings and a beak. Frank Perdue's ears prick up. Bock bock bock! Jimmy is a giant chicken. Langly is like, "This is the holy grail! This is why we call the paper The Lone Gunman! Do you understand that?" Jimmy says he does. But not really. Frohike is like, this is just a list. Who else knows about this?

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Lone Gunmen

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