Lone Gunmen
Like Water for Octane

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Like Water for Octane

Guthrie Farm. Farmer Guthrie confesses to the whole crew that he just couldn't deposit the payoff from BAS. He felt far too guilty. He wants Shelly to take the money -- after all, it was her father's invention. Shelly opines that she had no idea the Lone Gunmen would so stupidly risk their lives for a dumb-ass car that ran on water. Well, basically. The Gunmen, as a group, exclaim that they would do it again! Shelly then confesses that the car was at the farm the entire time. She could have told them that before they jumped into a missile silo slated for destruction, doncha think? Shelly explains that she was nosing around the farm this morning and just found it. Um, it's a car, not a missing set of housekeys. How do you just find a car? Whatever. Guthrie pipes up and explains that he thought the vehicle was just a pile of junk. He wanted it hauled away ages ago, but his father would never let him. He explains that his father put a decoy in the silo, and that's what BAS hauled off.

Everyone heads out to the barn to take a look at the car. Shelly dramatically explains that they now need to destroy the car. Frohike is all huh? Shelly says that her father knew the world shouldn't have that car -- that the car would lead to more cars, more building, more roads, more people, more consumption, less trees, more traffic. "Doesn't sound like utopia to me," she finishes self-righteously. Besides, she points out, it wouldn't end the world's need for oil. Oil makes roads. And tires. And plastic. "We're running out of oil," BAS announces from the back of the barn. "That car is what's going to keep us from returning to horse-drawn carriages." He doesn't want to destroy the car; he wants to give it to the world. Is it wrong that I am really, really bored by this moral dilemma? Anyway, BAS really wants that there car, and he's prepared to kill for it. He pulls his gun. "Are you going to shoot all of us?" Yves asks. He is, he says, but "for what it's worth, [she's] the only one he's going to enjoy." Terrified by this threat to Yves's monstrous lips, Jimmy Bond leans down, grabs J.T. the bull by the balls (literally) and pulls. The bull kicks BAS through the barn wall. Yves and Jimmy gaze at one another, both of them smiling dumbly. The bull moos. Guthrie shakes his head at the hole in his barn wall.

EMS hauls BAS away. Guthrie and Shelly hold hands. Jimmy Bond blathers something about how the Gunmen changed the world by not changing the world -- that not changing the world is a good thing, or something. He voice-overs that the water-powered car wasn't destroyed, and that Frohike got to drive it once. And that they're waiting for people to be ready for the car so that it can be given to all mankind. All because of three heroes. Who knew when not to act. Whatever, pretty boy.

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Lone Gunmen

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