The blip at the bottom of the screen says "Surf City, Maryland," and we pan up on an adorable aqua-and-white teeny house-shaped mailbox. A schlubby, nebbishy, suit-and-tied, balding guy peeks inside, gets no mail, pats it, and happily goes up the walk and enters the real aqua-and-white house. Once inside, he flicks on the tube (shout-out?) surfs around, and walks wearily into the kitchen. The music is mischievous. Then, another man, wearing a hat, enters the front door and changes the channel to an infomercial.
In the kitchen, Nebbishy chugs milk from the carton, wrinkles his nose, and sniffs the stuff suspiciously. Then he replaces the carton and, grabbing a beer, walks out. Hot on his heels is the Other Guy, who chugs some milk, wrinkles his nose, sniffs and replaces the carton, and opens a beer. Neither knows the other is there, see? It's funny!
Nebbishy sits on the john, reading a copy of Couture Girl. Hee. My b.f. totally laughed at this, proving that there is resonance in toilet humor. Nebbishy swigs his beer. When he exits, Other Guy walks in and sprays some Lysol.
Nebbishy plops down in front of the tube and turns it off. He bends over, and Other Guy walks out of the john, swigs his beer, and disappears down the hall. Nebbishy pops up, having removed his shoes, swigs his beer, and follows in the same direction as Other Guy. Other Guy then rounds the corner, sifting through mail, sits down, and notices the turned-off tube and the other bottle of beer. Mark Snow plays the perfect guitar chord that really means, "What the fuck?"
More mischievous music plays as we see boxer shorts come off and Nebbishy getting into bed and kissing a sleeping woman, who smiles sleepily. Of course, in walks Other Guy who climbs into bed. The woman murmurs, "Ooh, honey," and Nebbishy says, "What are you doing with your hand?" Discovery of What Is Happening occurs now. Scream, scream, leap out of bed, who-are-you's are exchanged, and then we get a close-up of Nebbishy who says nebbishly, "Who are you people and what are you doing in my bed?" We have premise.
Oh, say can you see? The credits.
It's nighttime in Washington, D.C. Jimmy and Byers enter a candlelit diner and see Nebbishy sitting at a table. Byers sternly reminds Jimmy that he's "only here to observe" and that since he took the call, "if [they] publish the story, [his] name goes on -- but that's a big if." Jimmy thinks the phrase "big if" is really funny for some reason.