Lone Gunmen
Madam, I'm Adam

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Madam, I'm Adam

The Lone Gunvan rolls up in front of the adorable aqua-and-white house from the opening scene. "That's my home," Adam says. Prove it, the gun-dudes say. Adam then describes the actions of each of his neighbors before they do them. The funniest bit is the overweight jogger that can't run more than a block before giving in to his craving for the demon nicotine and lighting up a cigarette. Hello, Cigarette Smoking Man, this is your future. Oh, who am I kidding, he doesn't need to jog. So, Adam says this is his neighborhood, the gun-dudes say it's not and there is no record, "not even a Blockbuster card," proving Adam Burgess even exists. Adam says it's the aliens. Jimmy is like, yeah it is! No, the gun-dudes need proof. Adam again says Frohike looks familiar. Asking Jimmy Gilligan's Island trivia questions as a test, Byers spins a theory that if Adam had seen all of this on television, it would seem as familiar as home to him. So, Byers cuts the power to the aqua-and-white house to avoid being taped themselves, and they all sneak in.

Langly says, "Less talking, more stalking." Hee. They all split up with various meters and equipment. Jimmy wants to do something too. Oy. Byers reluctantly gives him what looks like a metal detector you use to find coins at the beach.

Outside, Frohike is cooling in his leather vest and coat. A little kid rolls by on his bike then wheels around for a second look. I can just tell Frohike loves kids. Not.

Jimmy and Adam wander through the house, "finding" things in the walls and marking them up with a big penciled "X." What are they finding? Who knows.

The kid walks up, still in his bike helmet, and grills Frohike. Kids are so ballsy nowadays, though this bit is as old as W.C. Fields's grandmother. Frohike can't make the kid vamoose.

Jimmy and Adam are hot on the trail of something. They're getting excited.

The kid hassles Frohike some more. He thinks he did something, he thinks he's a burglar. Inside, Adam picks up a power drill and proceeds to break though the wall. Over the screech of the drill, Jimmy placidly calls out, "Byers? Langly?" Like they wouldn't come running the second they heard…oh, forget it. Outside, Frohike wields the bolt cutters he used to cut the power and says he'll use them as an "ass paddle." When the kid threatens to tell his mom, Frohike offers him $5. Wow, you're old, man. Or, low on cash. Five dollars doesn't buy shit these days! The kid stomps on his toe in response. Adam drills away; the kid throws clods of dirt. Just as the cops roll up, Frohike straddles the kid, and the entire wall -- no, it's like one of the fours SIDES -- falls right off the white-and-aqua house exposing Langly, Byers, Adam, and Jimmy standing stupidly inside, and we have a nice tableau of bumbling bumblers in full-on hot bumbling action.

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Lone Gunmen

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