Lone Gunmen
Maximum Byers

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It's a Hard Knock Life

Visiting room. Crooked Lawyer talks to Thell Ten and asks him to whack the dudes coming out of the infirmary tomorrow. Bum bum bummm!

Jimmy's on the electronic geegaw, and the LGs swear they'll "save [his] butt." Whew, I guess.

Infirmary. Byers gets the note and learns that Pfeiffer is guilty, the lawyer is crooked, and CG is innocent. He pleads with Pfeiffer to "Tell The Truth, Before It's Too Late." Mark Snow noodles soulfully on the keyboard as Pfeiffer dons his white jumpsuit and prepares to die. Then, Thell Ten jumps him and brandishes a homemade knife. Byers conks Thell Ten with a bedpan. Pfeiffer is like, you saved me? Byers is like, because it was The Right Thing to Do, but they say it with their eyes. You know. Now Pfeiffer is having an Ethical Dilemma.

Jimmy is being moved from his cell, signed out by Langly and Frohike. Byers is out, too. I feel better now. But what about CG? And the lawyer, and Pfeiffer? Pfeiffer sold his crooked lawyer out, and is ready to talk about the murders. Yay! Two people were murdered, and now..."Jailhouse Rock" starts playing again, and we get a spinning newspaper headline that says, "Lying Lawyer Convicted." A happy ending! Then, "Death Row Inmate Freed!" The LGs are even on the front page, shaking CG's hand -- they're even there when the sign is hoisted on the "Roach Rescue Clinic." Then, "Pfeiffer Execution Set for Midnight." Wow, is The Lone Gunman a daily? The hell? Rain rains down on the protesters (present at every prison execution -- some people think the death penalty is wrong, and I include myself in that party), and the LGs roll up to hear the news that Pfeiffer is dead. Byers tries to speak to Mrs. Pfeiffer, but she's crying too hard to speak. Jimmy says something about trying to "learn something and move on," then puts his arm around Byers's shoulder and...well, moves on out of frame. Jimmy has the last word? I don't like it.

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Lone Gunmen

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