Lost

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Ben knows that he promised to tell Locke everything, but it's complicated! Or at least it is not as simple as taking out a dusty old book and letting Locke read it. Locke is unimpressed by the complicatedness that is Ben's Island. Ben is trying to win him over by giving him a glass of water, but he is totally turning up his nose at it. Obviously because it doesn't have a lemon it. Jesus, Ben, what is wrong with you? Ben tells Locke that he is not actually the leader of the Island. The real leader is a man named Jacob and that is to whom Ben answers. Locke says, "Okay then take me to Jacob," but Ben says no. So Locke decides to leave and find someone who will take him to Jacob. Someone like Mr. Eyeliner. Ben is horrified that Locke would even think that Jacob would talk to someone like that floozy Mr. Eyeliner! Mr. Eyeliner can't take him! Mr. Eyeliner doesn't know where he is! Ben's panties (which I imagine as peach-colored satin with a subtle lacy trim) are definitely in a twist over this. Locke stares blankly at him before asking, "So you are the only one he talks to? And no one else knows where he is?" Ben splutters that HE was born on this Island. One of the last. Almost all the Others were brought there by him. So Jacob talks to him. Jacob trusts him. Locke continues to stare blankly at Ben, "And no one else has seen him? How convenient." Ben nods his shrimpy head, and Locke lays into him, saying that he doesn't believe there is a Jacob. He doesn't believe he takes orders from anyone. He isthe man behind the curtain, the Wizard of Oz, and a big fat liar too. Locke is basing this assessment on the fact that Ben's hand is shaking. The camera pans down and sure enough the man's hand is shaking like a Chihuahua in an ice storm.

A young nerd steps onto a dock where a whole bunch of hippies are handing out leis and insisting on saying "Namaste" to everyone. I've had nightmares just like that! Ack, hippies! Just in case you didn't catch this earlier, Ben was totally not born on the Island. As the nerd passes under a giant sign that reads "Namaste! The Dharma Initiative" he and his father are accosted by a longhair in a grey jumpsuit who just stepped out of one of the fleet of VW vans parked dockside. He welcomes them to the Island, and the father informs Little Four Eyes that this is the man who saved them when Emily died. He is now doing them another favor and giving Roger a job. The longhair insists that they call him Horace, and they acquiesce because it's his name and they have no choice. Horace says hello to Ben. Roger apologizes that Ben doesn't say much, but Horace doesn't mind. He's sure that Ben will talk when he has something to say. He puts his arm around him and promises him lunch after they are "processed." Which I assume means being stripped of all caffeine, forced to dress in natural fiber clothing, covered in patchouli, and robbed of all means of shaving. Or else it means watching films. The film informs newcomers that it's recommended that they stay within the confines of the barracks because there is a high frequency sonar fence to protect them from the abundant wildlife on the Island. Roger snorts at this warning, foreshadowing an obviously bad attitude. A man with a clipboard calls Roger over, which begs the question: Can you have peace, love, and clipboards? While his father is otherwise occupied, Young Ben takes in the processing. He is watching someone get shot -- oops! I mean getting a shot -- when a cute little thing approaches him. She asks if he's new, and he nods. She introduces herself as Annie and offers Young Ben some processed sugar. They are allowed to eat all they want! Apparently I've misjudged the hippies. But I have not misjudged Roger: When he is assigned the job of "work man" he cements his negative attitude by pitching a fit. He signed on to the Dharma Initiative so he could change the world, not clean up after it. He definitely has a bad attitude. The woman behind the registration desk informs him that when another job opens up he is welcome to apply for it. Wow! These are some administration-prone hippies! Like the financial aid office at Hampshire College!

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Lost

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