The Mole
Six Celebrities

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
Six Celebrities

Previously on Celebrity Mole: Frederique screamed while hanging over a waterfall. Kathy Griffin cracked everyone up. Michael was no slouch in the laughs department. Kathy said that Erik was either young and stupid or The Mole. Stephen got an exemption, and Michael thought Stephen was The Mole. Kim was executed. During the credits, Ahmad asks who The Mole is before each celebrity's photo appears. But instead of just cutting out Kim after her execution, they still have her picture in there, and then they stamp it with the word "Executed." That was dumb. They should have just cut her out.

As usual, the episode begins with a series of interviews. Corbin holds his head and says that he's "on the scent of The Mole." I think The Mole probably smells like cheap aftershave. Stephen says that Erik can't be The Mole because he's an idiot. Takes one to know one. Erik gets right up close to the camera and says something stupid about making everyone think he's The Mole. Kathy calls her mom. Frederique speaks her native language. Stephen says that he could make Frederique a star. Wuh?

Big Island. Hawaii. The pot is at $50,000. The players eat breakfast. In an interview, Kathy says that she can't believe there's only been one execution, because she's constantly executing people in her head. She adds, "I get irritated with someone, and then I just execute them in my head." That's like when my brother was ten, and he used to fire members of his favorite football team when he felt they screwed up in a game. I remember one Sunday, he fired every member of the Dallas Cowboys including Tom Landry. Kathy eats something and proclaims it "crazy delicious," even though she's "not a big sausage lover." She immediately makes a gesture to Stephen like, "Don't even," but it's too late and he bursts out laughing. Stephen punches her on the shoulder and goes, "Get it?" No, Stephen, I don't. Why don't you explain it to me? Idiot. Kathy tells him not to do that shit, as Stephen continues to pretend to punch her. God, being around him is like having a little brother who's eternally eleven years old. Stephen apologizes. Kathy says that it bothers her, and that he "wouldn't do it to Freddy." In an interview, Kathy says that she's executed Stephen many times in her head, "and they're always bloody and gory." Me too, Kathy. Me too. In an interview, Stephen says that, in war, you have to keep your opponent confused and off-balance. Stephen massages Kathy's shoulders and then pretends to choke her. She sticks a pen in his hand. Hee! He calls her a sick wench. In an interview, Kathy says, "If Baldwin's executed, good riddance. Can't get him out of here fast enough." Stephen non-sequiturs, "Let's start slinging mud, baby." What is he even talking about?

Ahmad observes that everyone seems a little upright. Michael says they're "waiting for the ax to fall...again." Ahmad says that the next game will take them back to the days when they had different kinds of jobs. Take them back? Am I supposed to believe that someone like Stephen Baldwin doesn't need a day job? Ahmad says that they could add up to $24,000 to the pot with the next game. The contestants need to pair up so that there are two lifeguards, two short order cooks, and two flight attendants. Kathy and Frederique try to get dibs on the short order cook gig. Stephen condescendingly suggests that they be smart about this and figure out who knows how to swim. While he has a good idea, he's being really annoying about it, as usual, and also on this show, the job descriptions generally bear little resemblance to the task. So, for example, there's no guarantee that the lifeguards will need to swim. Erik says he can swim. Stephen asks who knows how to fly, and Corbin raises his hand and then high-fives Stephen, for no apparent reason. I really wish those two would have to fly a plane together and then it would crash. I don't want them to die. Just maybe be injured in such a way that they couldn't talk anymore. Ahmad says that Erik and Michael are the lifeguards, Kathy and Frederique are the short order cooks, and Stephen and Corbin are the flight attendants. Ahmad refers to Stephen and Corbin as "ladies," you know, because they're flight attendants. It's that kind of sophisticated, urbane humor that keeps me from missing Anderson Cooper as host. Except not.

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The Mole




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