The Mountain
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Thar She Blows!

Kitchen. David complains that he's not cut out for this, and that Will should be the one to inherit the mountain. "Barbara Hershey" snipes that the elder David did it for himself, which doesn't make much sense, but does not-very-subtly indicate that she has issues with her dead dad. Well, that won't be boring or anything. Shelley flounces in and says she's going to work out. Will pointedly asks, "Today?" Shelley, with a total lack of affect, breezes, "One day can make the difference." One day...of acting classes? Oh, and by the way, was there any kind of memorial service for the elder David? No? Just checking.

Outside, Shelley's passing by the garage when, from inside, some mopheaded teen calls to her. They toss a basketball around as he asks her how it went. She replies, "Weird." Boundary Mountain moves three inches north before Unknown Mophead responds, "Why?" She doesn't answer. And that's the scene. If this episode were cut down to its essentials, it'd be about ten minutes long. Well actually, it wouldn't exist at all, but you know what I mean.

Inside, "Barbara Hershey" apologizes to her sons, while subtly (for this show) indicating that David is her favorite. David over-enunciates that it's not the end of the world, and that he'd appreciate it if everyone would act a little less "mortified." They've read the script, dude. I don't think they can help it.

Shelley tells Unknown Mophead that she was supposed to meet her grandfather, but that she flaked, and he died. Unknown Mophead: "So what, you caused an avalanche?" That's a good question, actually. It's even better because it causes Shelley to run away, ending the scene. Unknown Mophead, since it looks like no one's going to introduce us, maybe you and David can get a pair discount on haircuts. Then again, they're kind of big jobs.

David saunters around his mountain. In three-quarter speed. We see a banner for the opening night of the "The Gennie Carver Foundation Invitational." Y'all? David's kind of an ass. He takes off his shades and looks at the ski lifts, and in that shot, he looks about forty-seven. A pretty brunette, moving in normal time and thus completely startling him, interrupts his reverie. He awkwardly greets her as "Maria." She offers her condolences, and then asks if he's still racing, and working in that bike shop in... "Cheyenne," he supplies seamfully. He tells her she looks great, and she slightly bitingly tells him that his absence helped. Yeah, she's a Once And Future Fuck. He asks if she's... "Seeing someone?" she finishes with no pause. Um, honey? We know you want to prove you know the line, but it might help sell it if you let your scene mate finish the previous line first. Just an idea. She says that she is, and David blusters that he hopes it's not "Travis," because David's on his way to meet with Travis, and it would be awkward. Because the action has been so free-flowing and natural up to this point. With all the three-quarter speed and all. Brunette allays his fears, and reminds him that it was a long time ago, but that he broke up with her. She adds that he looks really great, and awkwardly kisses him on the cheek before walking away. He checks out her ass. At least he can do that convincingly.

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The Mountain

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