The Mountain
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Thar She Blows!

...except that we follow him outside, where there's a long line for one of the chair lifts. Some dude is complaining to a young male staff member that he came all the way from Calgary to ski this particular run. Because western Canada doesn't have any good skiing. God, this show. If the run in question were that good, the mountain would probably be big enough that you'd have a gondola at the base of the mountain. In any case, you'd certainly have the money to pay for chair lifts that fucking work for the weekend crowd, which is what this looks like. David blusters his way up and asks what's going on. The staff member, "Marshall Evans," recognizes David and exposits that they went to high school together. David announces to the line that if the lift isn't working in five minutes, they can all have their money back. Marshall whispers that Will doesn't let them do that, and I can see why, because it's idiotic. David doesn't even know the problem, and in any case, you don't refund hard money like that if you don't have to. Give them something soft to appease them. I bet even Mr. "I Came All The Way From Calgary To Ski This Run, And If You Believe That, I've Got A Bridge To Sell You" would have settled for a couple free drinks at the bar. Anyway, the lift operator gets a call and announces that the lift is down for the day. This is just unbelievably ridiculous. David tells everyone to get Marshall to sign their lift tickets, and they'll get the day free. Ass.

David walks through the snow. Will comes running out and tells him he just cost them $30,000, and snipes that maybe that's how the Dowlings do things. Good one? I mean, I don't care about the Dowlings, but if they specialize in turning around resorts, I can't imagine they go around dropping thirty grand into a bonfire on the merest whim. Shut up, Will. David complains that he doesn't want this. So maybe you should shut up and not give away thousands of dollars of your family's money. He whines that the crowd would have gone home and told people what a crappy time they had if he hadn't done something, and if that's how Will's been running things, it's no wonder "Grandpa" didn't leave him the business. Good grief, what an ass. "Grandpa" could have told Will if he didn't like how he was running things, Mr. Dirt Biker In Cheyenne, so shut up. And wash your hair. Will pushes David down onto...the snow. Brother vs. brother! Cain and Abel! Won't someone think of the zzzzz? David clutches his chest, and exposits that he has some broken ribs, presumably from his "extreme" dirt biking. Dude, if that were true, you would have winced when you hugged your mom. Maybe you were too distracted by wondering, "Is that really Barbara Hershey?" to remember. Will asks, "What are you gonna do now, what are you, gonna go tell Mom?" like, GOOD ONE. The scene ends with David making an unfunny joke about the new owner giving Will the day off. Where's an avalanche when you really need one?

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The Mountain

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