The Mountain

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: D | Grade It Now!

"Barbara Hershey" comes in to see Shelley. Shelley apologizes for what she said to David, like WHY? "Barbara Hershey" says the reason she made Indian food was that she found a photo of her seventeen-year-old self in India in her dad's things. That was one of the only times he watched her compete. Wow, do you see the parallels, with her dad not watching her compete and none of David's family watching him compete? Me neither. CANCELED! "Barbara Hershey" misses her dad too. Shelley asks to see the picture. I could probably learn not to hate her, if not for the CANCELED!

Hockey game. Oh, this is going to suck. David finds Geoffrey Lewis, who's watching his grandson. Lewis isn't impressed with David. Shocker. David tells Lewis that his grandson is really good, which I guess he can determine after watching him for three seconds. David waxes nostalgic about his days of playing and coaching. Lewis says that Will told him about that. David's surprised, which makes sense, since Maria told him, not Will. Fuck you, show. David brings up people who work at Boundary, and gives a moving speech. Unfortunately, what it's moving is the contents of my stomach. David starts pointing out kids and talking about their parents who work at the mountain, and for one, he's only been back in the state for like a total of two days, so I don't know where he had the time to learn all this, and two, if it's so meaningful to him that these people get paid, then maybe he could have foregone the stupid dirt-bike bet and GOTTEN BACK TO BOUNDARY IN TIME FOR THE FUCKING MEETING THAT THEY ALREADY RESCHEDULED TWICE. HAAAAATE! Oh, and by the way, remember back in the first episode, when David burned thirty grand in two minutes? Think any of these poor employees might have been able to find a use for that money? ASSHOLE. Anyway, of course David's going to get the loan, despite the fact that he offered nothing in the way of an actual business model. Man. David sucks so much that my couch is slowly sliding toward my TV. Which means I get to see the greasy hair even closer up. Joy.

Cabin of dead grandfathers. Shelley walks in. Scene. Really.

Will leaves a message, apparently the first of many, for Maria. Don't bother, dude. David comes downstairs, and Will shows him a story in the paper about his arrest. David tells him they have a meeting at the bank in twenty minutes, like, I'm sure it was necessary to give him no time to prepare. Will makes a dumb joke.

Bank. Lewis tells Will that David impressed him with his honesty. Oh, did he tell you why he was late? There's a copy of the Gazette in plain sight next to Lewis's briefcase. Against Will's obvious wishes, David comes clean about the arrest, which might show strength of character, if (1) he hadn't already had the chance to tell him the night before, and (2) it wasn't totally fucking obvious from the goddamned paper in plain sight that Lewis already knew about the arrest. CANCELED! Anyway, of course Lewis already knew, and refers to the picture in the newspaper, although the paper having a stock photo of David is probably even unlikelier than it having one of Max. Whatever! David signs for the loan.

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The Mountain




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