Shockingly, Volchok wants a rematch after Ryan's sucker-punch last week. He does all kinds of things to get Ryan to fight him -- keying "Lil' Bitch" into his car in front of witnesses, tugging on Marissa's arm at a Bait Shop concert in front of the bouncer, and, finally, kidnapping Marissa. Although it was more "inviting Marissa to ride in his van and then hanging out with her on the beach" than it was kidnapping. Seth's previous kindness to Taylor Townsend backfires when she starts to drive a wedge between him and Summer, even going so far as to steal Captain Oats! Seth doesn't do himself any favors by lying to Summer for no reason and, of course, getting caught in it. It all ends well for them when Seth explains to Summer how sad and lonely Taylor Townsend really is and what a bitch of a mother she has, and Summer forgives Seth, because how could you not love a guy who's so sweet and sensitive like that? Julie and 7 'n 7 go through with their charity con, but Julie's guilty conscience eats and eats at her until she figures out a way to screw 7 'n 7 AND throw a great party AND give money to a real charity, with no one but herself and 7 'n 7 the wiser: she tells the function attendees to make their checks out to a real charity for women with addictions! In your face, 7 'n 7! Ryan is forced to save Marissa from the certain doom of hanging out on the beach after hours, and vows to use his head instead of his hands this time. You'd think this would mean calling the police and letting them deal with the situation, but no. Instead, Ryan challenges Volchok to a fight to the death. Their weapons: a broken bottle and a piece of wood. Volchok runs away. Marissa tells her boyfriend she's proud of the changed man he's become, and leaves him to beat the crap out of his new punching bag.
We join the gang at the diner for post-movie milkshakes. They've just seen one of Seth's favorite martial-arts films, Master of the Flying Guillotine, and no one's happy about it. Even Ryan admits that the movie was "kinda weak," and thinks that, next time, the girls should pick the movie. Seth grumbles that this will mean repeated viewings of Bring It On, and Marissa and Summer burst into a Bring It On cheer. The Best Moment of This Episode sadly ends when Marissa suddenly stops short. Seth and Ryan follow her gaze and see Volchok and his gang enter the diner. Summer just keeps right on talking to herself, lost in her own Torrance Shipman world. Volchok sits down and makes fun of the "rich kids" with their "candy-ass" diner hangout. Because poor people never eat at diners. He challenges Ryan to a rematch of last week's punch in the face. Ryan says he isn't "looking for trouble," but Volchok rightfully says that Ryan should've thought of that before he punched Volchok. Summer spits back that Volchok started it by hooking up with Johnny's girlfriend, because, as a girl, Summer doesn't have to worry about the physical consequences for having such a big mouth. Seth does, so he dismisses Summer's point as being "unnecessary continuity." Kind of like how Kirsten spent an entire summer in rehab and is now totally fine and hasn't had any lingering desires for alcohol except for that one time. Volchok and his growing porn 'stache tell Ryan that they've got some unfinished business.
Morning in the Cohen residence. Sandy asks Kirsten which tie will make him look like the perfect saintly business executive for his first day of work at the NewNewport Group. Kirsten's working on Julie and 7's fake charity fundrasier, and wants Sandy's opinion on whether alcohol should be served -- not because Kirsten might have a problem with being around all those drinks, but because it would look weird to have drinks at a fundraiser for people with substance-abuse problems. Because Kirsten's recovery process has been nothing if not a totally ridiculous waste of a storyline. Kirsten and Sandy agree that it's best to serve alcohol, because the drunker their party guests are, the more money they'll donate. Seth and Ryan enter for breakfast. Kirsten invites them both to Sunday's event. Seth the Jerk says no. Ryan the Perfect Fake Son says yes. Kirsten leaves the room, leaving Sandy to ask Seth angrily what he's doing on Sunday that's more important than his mother's function. Seth explains that Sunday is the Sabbath. Except that the charity thing is after sundown, so it's no longer during the Sabbath, and more importantly, as Ryan points out, the Jewish Sabbath is on Saturday. Weak, Seth. Sandy orders Seth to attend the function as Kirsten walks back in. Seth tells his mother he'll be at the function, providing he isn't hit by a lightning bolt. By the logic, he should have been hit by one already for converting to Christianity just to abuse the Sunday Sabbath.