Physics classroom. Although it doesn't seem as though class is actually in session -- it looks more like there's just a bunch of students engaged in some self-motivated study. As if. Is there even a Physics teacher? Anyway, Ryan walks in and finds Aunt Lindsay hard at work. He asks her if she plans on studying right through the holidays. Aunt Lindsay: "I hope so. Keep me distracted from having to remember it's actually Christmas." She doesn't think anyone really like the holidays, but Ryan has a counterexample for her, telling her that Seth has "even invented his own super-holiday -- Chrismukkah." He describes it as "eight days of gifts followed by one day of many, many gifts. We eat Chinese food and watch Christmas movies, although last year we watched Over the Top." Aunt Lindsay tells her sob story, about how she and her mother stopped even putting up a Christmas tree, and how, when she was a kid, "all [her] friends were waiting for something from Santa, and [she] was just hoping for something, anything, from [her] dad." Ryan asks if she's still waiting, and she says she is most definitely not: "Every kid who grows up stops believing in Santa. I stopped believing in my dad." Ryan is all sympathetic, in light of his experience with his own crappy family. He takes pity on her and invites her to come celebrate Chrismukkah with the Cohens. That's nice -- leave her mother to feel even more sad and lonely on Christmas. Lindsay asks if they can watch Over the Top. Ryan: "I think I could watch that movie a hundred times and never get sick of it." Well then, it has far more staying power than this episode.
High-school Starbucks. I don't know much about this show, but I think this must be a dream sequence, because I see a skeletal creature walking through the room. Oh, wait, my mistake -- it's Marissa. She sits down next to Summer at the coffee bar and asks where Zach is: "I'm not used to seeing you without him." It turns out that Zach "left early to spend Christmas in Cabo with his fam." Is there a law that says that everyone from Orange County is only allowed to vacation in Cabo? Because there's a whole wide world out there they could explore, and they actually seem rich enough to afford the trips. Marissa clues us in that D.J. is in Sacramento visiting his family. Each misses her beau, and both decide that Christmas is going to suck. Marissa suggests that they spike the egg nog. Summer nixes the idea, and Marissa takes it back: "Just kidding. Kind of. Actually, not really." It's funny because she's a teenage alcoholic. Marissa thinks that "last year, the holidays were so much fun." Summer has a slightly different recollection: "I got rejected by Cohen in a Wonder Woman costume, and you got caught shoplifting." They decide that it was memorable.