The O.C.
The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't

Episode Report Card
The Year Without A Hanukkah Zombie

Previously on The O.C.: I don't know, I didn't watch. Except I do know that we discovered that Lindsay is Caleb's daughter, which makes her Kirsten's sister and Seth's aunt. Scandal!

Caleb "LTG isn't thinking of a nickname for every lousy character" Nichol meets Sandy on the docks on a gray and blustery day. I think this scene is supposed to seem all gritty and noirish, but the effect is thrown off some by the silvery garland wrapped around the tasteful streetlamp. Caleb asks Sandy, "What is the point of living in southern California if it's going to be this cold?" I wonder the same thing all the time. But without the "if it's going to be this cold" part. Sandy doesn't think fifty degrees in December is very cold. Of course, he's got the eyebrows to keep him warm. Caleb: "Well, my blood must have gotten thinner." Good. That means his blood-thinning medication is working. Sandy accuses him of having ice in his veins. I would think that a few months of sleeping in the same bed with Julie would do that to any man. Caleb is crying in his mocha over the fact that, by the coming year, he could be spending the holidays behind bars. Sandy: "Now that gives me a chill. Don't know how you feel about it." Caleb: "Warm and fuzzy. How the hell do you think it makes me feel, Sandy?" It makes him feel sandy? Oh, wait, he's talking to Sandy. Sandy tells him that he can save himself if he just comes forward about the big secret. But Caleb just can't do that: "What about the child?" Sandy: "Which child? Lindsay?" No, Sandy -- the Guatemalan orphan to whom Caleb has been sending $1.36 a day. Little Consuela will be crushed if she finds out that her benefactor is an adulterer. Caleb is pretty surprised to hear that Sandy knows the child's name, but Sandy just gives him a look to let him know what a great investigator he is. An investigator who just happened to have benefited from an enormous coincidence. Caleb's all, "Yeah, what happens to her?" But Sandy and I both know he's full of it: "Spare me. You're not trying to protect Lindsay, you're trying to protect yourself. Because you know once you come clean, you're gonna get what's coming to you. But facing Kirsten and Julie has got to be better than going to jail." And now I find myself agreeing with Caleb -- perhaps years of prison rape would be preferable to facing an angry Julie. Sandy says that if Caleb won't come clean, "[Sandy's] done. And so [is Caleb]. Happy holidays." And he walks away, leaving Caleb leaning over a railing and looking pensive. This scene was brought to you by Dashiell Hammett.

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The O.C.




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