The O.C.
The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't

Episode Report Card
The Year Without A Hanukkah Zombie

Kirsten is walking down a hallway, yelling at Sandy over the fact that he knew and did not tell her: "He cheated on my mom. I had a sister I've never known." Caleb follows after, trying to offer explanations to Kirsten, but she is in no mood to listen: "How could you do that to me? To Mom?" First she tries to attack him, and when Sandy prevents that, she yells at Caleb to get out, punctuating the command with a vase full of flowers. Seth arrives just in time to see the destruction of crockery. And then Kirsten does something I've never seen any grown person do who was not facing a home invasion or enemy bombardment -- she runs into the closet and locks the door behind her. Caleb wants to try to talk to Kirsten, but Seth steps up and tells him, "Grandpa, maybe you should leave." Caleb: "I'd be better off going to prison."

Ryan pulls up in front of Aunt Lindsay's house. Renee opens the door, and tells Ryan, "It's not really a good time." He says that he just wants to speak to her, but it's pretty clear that Renee doesn't give a rat's ass what Ryan wants. Which is as it should be. Finally, a parent acts like a parent on this show. But Aunt Lindsay walks up behind Renee and tells her that she can speak for herself. Aunt Lindsay is wearing her glasses, by the way, although she takes them off when she actually speaks with Ryan. Ryan tells her how sorry he is: "I want you to know I'm here." I think she can see that, dude. Even without the glasses. Lindsay, through her tears and with a breaking voice: "I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore. I just, I don't want to be anywhere near your family. Ever. But thanks for coming by. Happy holidays, huh?" And then she closes the door. That was the only good acting in this entire episode, and it was outstanding.

Summer and Marissa are sitting on Seth's bed. Summer points out, "This year is getting even weirder than last year." Marissa realizes, "My ex-boyfriend is dating my...stepsister, I think." Summer points out that they have new boyfriends, and Marissa adds that their ex-boyfriends also have new girlfriends. Summer seems surprised to hear that Alex and Lindsay are the girlfriends of Seth and Ryan. Seth comes in, and they ask him if there's anything they can do. He flops down on the bed behind them: "I think we have to cancel Chrismukkah." Commercials.

Ryan walks into a diner, where Marissa, Summer, and Seth are already sitting at a table. This diner may have a name, but I neither know nor care. They exchange the most recent news about Aunt Lindsay and Kirsten. (See the previous paragraphs for a recap. I don't recap the same scene twice. This isn't Rashomon.) Marissa makes sympathetic noises about Kirsten, but when Summer makes the same noises about Julie, Marissa lets the bitch back out: "Of all the people to feel sorry for here, she's not really high on my list." Seth tells Ryan that Chrismukkah is canceled, but Summer thinks that sucks: "So that's it? You guys are just gonna give up? Give up on Chrismukkah, when everyone we know needs it the most?" Seth calls her "Tiny Tim," and she kicks him in the shins. They all wonder what they're going to do, since they can't go back to the Cohens' and Lindsay doesn't seem interested in speaking to Ryan. Seth: "And I can no longer walk." Summer: "Well you guys can all give up, but I still believe in a Chrismukkah miracle. [long silence] And I have a plan."

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The O.C.




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