The O.C.
The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't

Episode Report Card
The Year Without A Hanukkah Zombie

Close-up on Christmas stockings, hung by the chimney. I don't know if any care was used in hanging them. There's some alt-Christmas tune playing in the background. (I can't keep up with you kids and your crazy bands.) Seth is standing next to the fireplace, and pulls the menorah down off the mantle and asks his mother if she cleaned after last year -- it's looking a little schmutzy. Kirsten is in the middle of wrangling a Christmas tree into the room with Ryan's help, and she apologizes to Seth and tells him that she'll get right on it. Ryan calls out to Seth for a little help with the tree, but he just shoves his hands into his pockets and does nothing. Nothing but blather, that is: "If my sense of the cultural zeitgeist is accurate, and I do believe it is, this is the year that Chrismukkah sweeps the nation, okay, people?" Kirsten pointedly tells Ryan how nice it is to have someone to help around the house. Uh, Kirsten? I don't mean to criticize your parenting (well actually, I do), but it sucks. When your son is as self-centered as Seth is, subtle (or even unsubtle) hints are not going to cut it. He needs a few smacks in the head. Seth agrees that it's great to have someone to help out, and he runs to fetch the "Chrismukkah work-wheel" he created "so that everybody understands his or her duties this holiday season." The wheel features very cute drawings of all four members of the Cohen household. The four tasks listed are interior decor, holiday spirit, food design, and security. Ryan asks Seth, "Let me guess what your job is." Seth: "Uh, I'm supervising, smart-ass." He's also in charge of the product licensing: "T-shirts, mugs if it should come to that. And, I'm penning a Chrismukkah hymn. Set to Death Cab's 'Lack of Color.'" Kirsten joins me in wondering if Death Cab is a band when Seth turns the arrow on the wheel and tells her that her job is interior decor. He doesn't care what she does, so long as it's "classy."

Kirsten tells Seth that she invited "the Nichols, or the Cooper-Nichols, or whatever they're called these days." I think soon they might be called Slutty and Sluttier. And what an odd way to refer to your own father. Wouldn't she have just said, "I invited Caleb and his whore wife"? Because that rolls off the tongue so naturally. Seth is concerned that the presence of the Cooper-Nichols will throw off the gentile/Jew balance, and he calls on Ryan to do some "Jewcruitment." Asked if he's up for the job, Ryan just says, "Blond hair, blue eyes? Yeah, no problem, I'm a natural." Will someone let me know if that's as offensive as it seems? Seth is stumped with trying to figure out where to find any Jews in Orange County, but he finds sudden inspiration when he sees Sandy walk through the door: "Father! I have just discovered the ideal job for you this Chrismukkah." Sandy's reaction is exactly the same as mine when I discovered the theme of this episode: "Chrismukkah? Leave me out of it." Kirsten looks at Seth and says, "Oy, humbug." Seth repeats it and we go to the credits.

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The O.C.




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