The O.C.
The Chrismukk-huh?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Give It Up For Short-Term Memory!

At the Yacht Club, Sandy is telling some dude that he and his wife "are just going to take it easy" for Christmas. "I thought she never rested!" the guy says, and whatever, Sandy declares himself Mayor of the Greatest City on Earth and then douchebaggishly raises his arms to the skies: "Vote Sandy Cohen!" Everybody cheers or whatever. Ryan approaches Sandy, who blows him off. "If anybody can make sense of this, it's you." Sandy waves the bodyguard away, because gorgeous young men in trouble are still his favorite collectible, and asks what's up. Ryan tells him about how Kirsten threw him out of the house and Seth doesn't recognize him and is also marrying Summer, and Sandy's face goes hard. "I see that you're having some trouble, and I sympathize with that, but stalking me and my family is not the answer." The bodyguard takes him out and Ryan makes sad faces. Behind Sandy is a poster of him with Arnold Schwarzenegger, which I would call proof positive that Sandy is past saving.

Even more awesome poster on the boardwalk: Johnny Harper, Pac West surf star, will be in attendance on Friday to promote his new line of surfboards. I have no ill will toward Johnny Harper, though I admit that his death makes this easier. For some reason that poster was the first time I was like, "Whoa." Because that draws a total line between Ryan's absence and Marissa's ability to ruin everything she ever touched. Or, if we're looking at it as a construct of his guilt, that he even blames himself for stupid Johnny getting killed. I question the intellect of blaming oneself for that, considering that even on a good day, Johnny did things like run into traffic for no reason and vandalize his own property. He really was Marissa's perfect guy, wasn't he? The Wards go by on a skateboard and a bike (aww) and hurl some ephemeral attitude his way as they go past: "What's the matter, you can't find your boyfriend?" Those boys are like the Greek Chorus of Gay.

Kirsten sits at Ryan's bedside in the hospital, while it's raining loudly and symbolically outside. Sandy arrives with Summer, and Kirsten assumes that they were hanging decorations when they fell. Which is, to be fair, more likely than the truth, which is that they were roughhousing over the possession of a fat-draining grill appliance. While you were interrogating a ham. Kirsten informs them about how it's one of those comas where there are no ill effects and no serious injury, and how they just have to wait.

Ryan sits in the mall with a headache, having a meat crisis of his own, and Taylor appears out of nowhere. She's overjoyed to see him and sweetly throws her arms around him. "Thank God I found you!" she says. He holds on tight and closes his eyes, relieved.

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The O.C.

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