The O.C.
The Chrismukk-huh?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Give It Up For Short-Term Memory!

Taylor skulks with wacky music and watches as Chester gets a "business" (read: "booty") call and air-kisses Summer. As he's walking away, Holly checks out his ass lasciviously, but for this she cannot be blamed. He calls the person on the phone "baby" and asks her if she's wearing the thong he bought her. She's wearing it, but "not for long." He tells her he loves her and hangs up, then winks grossly at Taylor. Summer and Holly drive away after a lot of unnecessary kiss-blowing and weird catlike meows and clawing from Chester. I love how totally disgusting they are!

Ryan comes into what we know as the Cohen house calling hello, and Kirsten is like, "You again?" She sends him upstairs to find Seth and calls for a glass of chardonnay. Who brings it? Jimmy! Her husband! Ryan recognizes him and Kirsten explains that Ryan is a friend of Seth's, which she terms a "Christmas miracle." Seth sucks so bad in alt-world that there's not even Chrismukkah? They talk about the party they're throwing tonight, and how all of Newport will be there if they want to keep working with the Newport Group, and Kirsten laughs kind of maniacally about how she's got the chokehold on the universe. Jimmy is still basically Jimmy, since Marissa was always like tenth on the list anyway, and is very friendly, inviting Ryan to the party that night.

Taylor follows Chester through the bushes at a mansion, where Sandy is leaving for Mayor stuff and saying goodbye to his wife. Who is Julie! They are married! She makes some comment about how they're going to the party even though Kirsten will be there, and how weird it is that Sandy was ever married to "that ice queen." Sandy allows as how they were all different people back then, and drives away. This causes Chester and Taylor to dive deeper into the brush, but Julie beckons with a finger into the trees, and he barks and woofs and jumps forward. Taylor says "Joinks" about this and then creepy-creeps into the house behind them. Inside, there's a picture of Sandy and Julie on their wedding day. Chilling. Chester's upstairs barking like a dog; Taylor spies on them making out and says, "Double joinks." Julie slaps Chester a few times, he rips her dress in half while barking, and then she spanks his ass while he's all "Daddy likes! Daddy likes! Bad kitten!" Taylor, horrified, backs into a bedroom, which the maid is cleaning. The maid -- who of course does not recognize Taylor -- informs her that "Missy Cooper" will be home from Berkeley at three. There's a picture of Marissa and Julie on the desk in the room: Marissa's alive. "Triple joinks."

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The O.C.

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