Marissa combs her luscious post-shower locks in front of a mirror, and thinks about what a prize she is. But she's not alone -- Volchok has somehow infiltrated the super-secure Roberts mansion, and is excited to share his newfound knowledge of Mexican culture gained during his weekend Baja trip with her. He moves in for a kiss, removing some of Marissa's robe while he's at it, revealing that she puts her bra and panties on immediately after her showers. She pushes him off, saying that she doesn't want her mother to catch them together. Before she even gets a chance to finish her sentence, though, Julie makes her presence in the bedroom doorway known. That sixth sense to know when there's a virile young stud around sure does come in handy sometimes, eh, Julie? Volchok shoots Julie his most charming and sleaziest smile, and extends a hand for her to shake. Julie threatens to take him apart. Marissa has no discernible reaction to any of this, whereas, had I just been caught with my hot boyfriend and in a state of partial undress, I would have at least raised an eyebrow or two. Marissa: cool, calm, comatose. Volchok leaves the house, saying it seems that he was just a "phase" for Marissa, since she didn't want to have sex with him immediately.
Julie opens her mouth to scold Marissa, but is met with a snotty "spare me the lecture" while Marissa continues to dry the hell out of her hair. Don't be too tough on your hair, Marissa! It's probably already brittle from the lack of nutrients it gets. Julie says that there's no lecture to give; she sees Volchok's appeal. He's "cool" and "has great abs," although since he, unlike Marissa, was clothed that whole time, I don't know how Julie could have known that. I guess it's pretty safe to say that, though, when you live in a town with an average ab-to-human ratio of 4:1 (one of the highest in the nation!). Julie adds that Volchok "personifies everything that's bad for" Marissa, to which Marissa retorts that Julie probably wants to sleep with him, then. I don't think a motherly slap across the face would be bad for Marissa, Julie. C'mon, do it. DO IT! But no, she just sighs that Marissa's choices will affect her future, and then Marissa finally grabs some pants and leaves the room.
"I went completely overboard and made you a ridiculously gigantic sandwich for the flight," Kirsten says, offering Ryan a disappointingly small brown bag. Whoa, there, Kirsten! Don't knock yourself out with all that mothering! I was hoping that the sandwich would be so long that Kirsten would walk by the camera carrying a long sub, exit the frame with the sub still going past it, and then she would come back across the frame, holding the end of the sandwich, like in cartoons. And then she could paint a tunnel on the side of a cliff and then a train would come through it. Ryan thanks her, and claims to be "looking forward" to eating that sandwich on the plane, although I don't see how a sandwich so huge can possibly pass the carry-on baggage size requirement. Kirsten and Ryan confess that they're both worried about this trip -- Kirsten because she's letting the high-schooler she's supposed to be taking care of wander around a strange city by himself, and Ryan because he doesn't know what to expect from his mother these days. He figures he'll check the diner she mentioned working at in her birthday card (I guess they were cool with her going to jail for bouncing checks during one of her benders) and then see what's up. "Whatever happens, you have at least one proud mother watching you when you graduate," Kirsten says. Really? Who -- oh, she means herself. Sometimes I forget that Kirsten is the mother on this show. Or that she's on this show at all. I'm all like, "Who's that blonde woman in the opening credits? Is that Regis's daughter?" Kirsten and Ryan hug, and we all remember how good this show was when it focused on moments like that.