The O.C.
The Debut

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Joanna: A | Grade It Now!
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Fisticuffs and Wristicuffs

Seth sits alone in a hallway, all sad and hunched over. Anna struts up, asking if he could be "any more pathetic -- a lone figure, sitting on the floor, wondering if he's gonna be lonely for the rest of his life." He commends her "sensitivity -- it's really, uh, non-existent." She then claims that his problem is that he's "not a man," causing him to say, "Again, not appreciating the brutal honesty!" And really, who does walk up to a heartbroken teen and presume to tell him his problems -- particularly if said problem has anything to do with challenging his manliness? She asks whether he knows what girls find sexy and he responds, "Wait. Let me guess. Dudes who play water polo." With the weirdest delivery yet -- and that's saying a lot -- she announces, "Confidence!" She orders him to "watch this," and then oozes up to him, saying she doesn't have a date to Cotillion, and asking if he'll be her escort. He stutters as she brushes off his jacket and insists, "Confidence, Cohen!" Seth does a turnabout, perhaps momentarily blinded by the shininess, and says, "Let's do this."

As the debs prepare to take the stage, Lady Heather walks the line, appraising makeup, posture, and forcing them to spit out their gum. Because, as my ballet teacher used to say, only cows and girls from Brooklyn chew gum. And please don't send me email if you're from Brooklyn. I really have no idea what that was supposed to mean, and my dance teacher also had an obsessive crush on Leroy from Fame and talked obsessively about his "tushie." So she was no authority on class. In any case, Summer is at the end of the line, wondering how she went from having three dates to having none. In a tight contest, Holly wins this week's bad delivery contest with "I'm sorry, girl. That blows." Seth enters the room laughing with Anna, and Summer saunters over confidently, announcing the good news: she's available! Seth pauses, his face momentarily registering happiness, then he does two Cabbage Patch-esque arm circles and says, "No. Um, no. We're gonna go this way." Hee. Seth and Anna strut off, leaving behind a dissed Summer.

Kirsten studies her program at a table. Sandy approaches, announcing, "Five hundred channels, and nothin' on!" It's very Jack Nicholson. Kirsten asks why he couldn't have put on a tux -- he's wearing a sport jacket and dress pants, not jeans and a t-shirt, mind you -- and Sandy quietly advises her, "Pick your battles, hon." Puberty Lady takes the microphone, welcoming them to the 47th Annual Newport Beach Debutante Cotillion. Meanwhile, in the dressing room, Ryan and Marissa emerge in their formalwear from two separate doors, appearing simultaneously in opposite wings of a three-way mirror. They walk towards each other, but in the mirror, it's as if they're walking away. She asks if he's ready to make his debut. He doesn't answer.

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The O.C.

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