Kaitlin and Bullet join forces! And other things happenâ¦but Kaitlin and Bullet! How awesome is that?
Seth and Summer, and Ryan and Taylor, head out for the Vegas for New Years. Their trip is interrupted by a pregnancy test -- Summer's -- and a slutty alien raver chick -- on loan, along with half the episode, from Dawsonâs Creek -- who steals the aforementioned OB test before anybody can figure it out. So then it's French farce up one side and down the other as the quartet chase ass up one side of the desert and down the other in order to get themselves together. Seth proposes marriage to Summer and finds out she's not pregnant; Ryan proposes Everything But to Taylor, who already has her Sex Cannon set to Incomprehensible, but manages to fit Everything But into her Sex Schedule because she is awesome. Also, Summer finally realizes that Taylor is possibly the coolest human being ever born, that she is a damn fool for getting thrown out of Brown, and that marrying Seth is tantamount to making a meal of cookie dough, the gum from a pack of Garbage Pail Kids, and your high score on Banjo & Kazooie: delicious, not so nutritious.
Meanwhile, in the frankly more interesting world of grownups: Kaitlin stops waiting for Jimmy to call and dances adorably with Bullet, Kirsten and Sandy are sweet, and Julie is still the madam of a boy whorehouse. While she tries to talk Bullet's hot as hell son out of continuing down the Risky Business path, El Sorbo (!) appears as Bullet's deus ex accountant, a possible CIA agent, and -- finally and WTFishly -- Ryan's DAD! And the only people that know this are Julie (who he's blackmailing for info on the Cohens) and Sandy (who will fight to be Ryan's Dad to the pain if necessary), which means probably they'll end up in the exact same Fight For Ryan's Soul that they were in at the beginning of the season, only on opposite sides, which is just so very awesome. So: engaged, not pregnant, awesome, adorable, and RYAN'S DAD! In that order.
Previously: Julie was running a prostitution ring, which somehow totally slipped my mind, and Taylor and Ryan hopped a few hundred speed bumps while in their matching coma. Now, Seth's washing the windows of the Rover at a dusty roadside gas station and steadily ignoring Ryan's intense interrogation. Ryan finally takes the squeegee away and demands to know what's going on. What's going on, Seth exposits, is that it's New Year's Eve and they are going to the Vegas. Ryan offers to hit him with the squeegee if he doesn't tell him why the girls are acting so weird. In the gas station bathroom, the girls are counting down the seconds on something that is obviously a pregnancy test, but you can't really tell whose it is because they are both acting bizarre and high-tension. Outside, Seth tells Ryan to ask them himself, and Ryan asks him to exposit why Seth is even there at the roadside gas station. Which is called "Al's," by the way. That's not important... or really very interesting. Carry on. Inside the bathroom, there are eleven seconds left. Seth tells Ryan that he's there because Ryan has not killed him yet. Inside, Taylor wonders if there was enough pee. Ryan corrects Seth that he's there because Ryan saved him from the jam of having no good New Year's plans. Summer asks again how many bars they're looking for; the answer is still two. Seth whines that he promised Ryan he would pay him back, and Ryan says he's collecting. The girls jump around all crazy and we finally see the pregnancy test box in Taylor's hand. One more second...
Everything goes in reverse to SEVEN HOURS EARLIER, where Ryan is bringing Seth a cup of coffee in the comic shop. Seth jokes that it's the last cup of coffee of 2006 and threatens to keep making that joke all day long. Ryan mentions that he's taking Taylor to the Vegas for New Year's, and asks if that's too weird. Downstairs, Taylor's talking to Summer about the surprise -- which of course she already knows about, because she is Taylor -- and wondering if her gift is also a good surprise. Summer is not listening; her makeup is very vampiric in this scene. Upstairs, Seth says that it's a fine step forward: after all, the old adage that "couples that have comas together, stay together." Taylor reveals her gift for Ryan: lingerie. "Is he going to think I'm some kind of kinky sex-starved divorcee?" asks Taylor, and I have to say: that's kind of what she is. Seth foreshadows about how people who go to the Vegas often come back married, and Ryan soundly ignores this. Ryan asks if Seth has plans; Summer tells Taylor that of course Seth has no plans, which means some Korean cinema, manga, and "making new friends on MySpace." Ryan asks Seth if she'll be cool with that lack of planning; Summer wonders if she'll have to kill him.