The O.C.
The End's Not Near, It's Here

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 4 USERS: A-
Right Back Where We Started From

A plane lands in Berkeley. Seth and Ryan walk up to the old house and knock on the door. Two men answer: one is a stranger to us, but the other used to have a job catering Fashion Fundraisers. But now he lives in the Cohens' old house with his husband. It's nice to know that someone on this show has actually done something with his life in the last four years. Seth and Ryan smile awkwardly and say hello, then realize that they don't know what to say next. Ryan settles for: "So, we'd like to buy your house." The guys look at each other, bust out laughing and slam the door in their face. Well, that's rude.

After the commercial, Seth rings incessantly on the doorbell because a great way to get people to do what you want is to really piss them off. Finally, the guys answer the door, and Seth begs them to hear him out. Caterer says that while Seth and Ryan make an "adorable couple," the house is not for sale. They are an adorable couple, though. Seth quickly explains why the house is so important to him: he used to live there with his parents until they moved to Newport when Seth was two. Then they adopted a "young ex-convict named Ryan." At this point, the guys are ready to shut the door again, so Ryan quickly points out that he's not actually a convict. Seth shouldn't be allowed to talk anymore, but he continues that now that the Newport house is condemned and his mother is about to have another baby, he and Ryan think that a move back to their original house in Berkeley is a great idea. It will give them a "fresh start," Seth says. Except that it won't really be that fresh or even a start, since they're just returning to the place they lived before. More like a "stale continuation." Caterer says that while he understands Seth's position, this home is theirs now, and they don't want to sell it. They close the door in Seth and Ryan's faces again. Ryan thinks it's time to bring in the big guns, a.k.a. Sandy the Great Debater, but Seth points out that Sandy won't leave hugely pregnant Kirsten and the airlines won't let her fly in her ninth month of pregnancy. There's probably a reason for that. Like, a safety reason. That maybe they should adhere to. But, no. Ryan has an idea of how they can get Kirsten to Berkeley.

Back in Newport, we get one last stock shot of the houses by the beach. None of them look at all affected by the tremendous earthquake. Sucks for the Cohens to live in the one house that suffered significant damage, eh? Even the Roberts mansion, which looked close to collapse before, made it through okay. Sandy and Kirsten are poised to sign the offer for the house they both hate. Kirsten sighs that they "can't impose on Julie much longer." Um... Julie? Don't you mean Summer? Or Dr. Neil? Julie's the imposer, not the imposee. Just as Sandy's putting the pen to the paper, BULLIT's voice orders him to drop it. He saunters over and says that the jet is gassed up and ready to kidnap them. "Is he drunk?" Kirsten asks. No, Kirsten, that's you. Back when you had a storyline. It was a loooong time ago, so I understand why you'd be confused. BULLIT explains that Seth and Ryan called him and asked if he could fly them to Berkeley to buy the old house back. And BULLIT's helping them out of the goodness of his own heart because he's the nicest guy on this show, and yet he always loses. Being nice gets you dumped over and over again and taken advantage of. Being a wifebeater gets you happiness and joy. Kirsten points out that her pregnancy means she can't fly, to which BULLIT says his son, Amarillo, "one of those doctors for women's private parts," will be accompanying them. I cannot imagine the horror of having a BULLIT for a gynecologist. The realtor speaks up and says the house won't wait for them to go to Berkeley and back. So BULLIT buys the house. Great -- another house for Julie to live in that she doesn't own.

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The O.C.




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