The O.C.
The Goodbye Girl

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Joanna: B | Grade It Now!
Not By The Hair Of My Chinny Chin Chinplant

The thumping bass of Journey's "Separate Ways" plays as Seth urges Ryan to drive faster; when Ryan argues that he's going 75 in a 65, Seth responds, "Everyone knows 80s the new 75," and Ryan's all, "Who talks it like this?" This entire car scene parrots Seth and Summer's conversation in the car to Tijuana. If there's a scenario in which that makes particular sense, I'm blind to it. I think some writer got a little ruler-happy. Seth fusses with the air conditioning, whining that his "Jewfro" is frizzing out and he looks like Screech. He then moves on to dissing the music, which is one step to far for Ryan, who warns, "Do not. Insult. Journey. All right?"

Theresa, still looking wet, shows up at Jimmy's Non-Beautiful Blue Bachelor Pad. There's no reason in the world why she should know where Marissa lives, but she does. Marissa asks how she is, and Theresa claims she's embarrassed, because she can't believe Ryan and Eddie had a huge fight at a fancy party. Marissa tells her, "Actually not the first time that's happened and every time it's happened before it's been about me. Me! You hear that? Men fighting over me!" Well, except without that last little bit. But you know it's what she's thinking. Theresa hands over the dress, apologizing because she won't have time to get it dry-cleaned before she goes. Marissa repeats, "Before you go," but clearly she's really thinking, "You're from Chino. I wouldn't wear this dress again if you boiled it." Anyway, Theresa says she's been fooling herself and made a mess out of everything; both she and Ryan need to figure out their lives. She leaves Marissa with the always annoying, "Take care of him."

Meanwhile, in the Beautiful Blue Bedroom, Kirsten joins Sandy and announces that she knows what he did. He finishes, "Obstructed justice. Tampered with a witness." So if she's Martha Stewart, does that make him Peter Bacanovic? Kirsten asks what happens now, and Sandy points out that since it's an election year, the DA can't afford to lose, and without their star witness, they don't have a case. He adds, "If you're gonna go after the king, Caleb, then you had better know that you can kill the king." And that might be the strangest, most awkwardly scripted piece of dialogue I've heard on this show. It's like they wrote the line and then decided that the average audience member wasn't smart enough to realize that the "king" in the metaphor is actually Caleb, and so they contextualized it for us to the detriment of common sense. We're too dumb, clearly, to understand what Sandy would have meant if he'd just said, "If you're gonna go after the king, then you had better know that you can kill him." Kirsten repeats that she didn't want Sandy involved, but he insists that he'll always do what's best for his family. Kirsten would rather have him in jail, though, than in bed with Caleb. He rebuts that he'd rather send her to jail than end up in bed with Caleb, so they're even. She sits beside him and sadly says that there's no going back, which he says is "kinda like prom night." He then tells her, "Believe me. If anybody's gonna be puttin' you in handcuffs, it's gonna be me."

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The O.C.




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