The horrible Kaitlin arrives at the Roberts mansion, much to the surprise of Dr. Neil. No one was expecting Kaitlin to show up for this graduation, seeing as her performance has been less than stellar and her character adds nothing to the show. And yet, here she is. Great. She explains that "since [her] grades went from "B"s to "A"s, [she] was wondering if [Dr. Neil] could change [her] "A"s to "B"s." And with that, she points to her chest. Should they really be making a fifteen-year-old girl talk about her chest like this? Maybe I'm just a prude in my old age. Speaking of old age, Dr. Neil is understandably uncomfortable and stammers that Kaitlin should talk to her mother about her enlargement surgery options. "Dude, I'm totally kidding!" Kaitlin laughs. Yeah, well, there's a time and a place to make jokes about your flat chest, Kaitlin, and it's not in front of your soon-to-be stepfather.
Julie strolls in and hugs her Other Daughter hello. Kaitlin says she figured that since Jimmy won't be coming back for Marissa's graduation, there'd be an extra seat there for her to occupy. With that, she retreats to the hot tub.
Seth finds Sandy in the living room. They discuss The Nana, who will apparently be enjoying Seth's graduation through pictures posted on the internet and not in person. Seth asks his father to not stand up and do an embarrassing cheer when his name is called. Sandy agrees not to, but lets us all see what we're missing with this rap:
"Seth Cohen Capture the Flag Victory Rap"
words and music by Sandy "S-Dawg" Cohen
Check out my boy Cohen,
Can you believe how he's grown?
The competition away he's blown!
While I congratulate Sandy on his grammatically correct avoidance of ending his sentences with a preposition, I must deduct points for his awkward rhyming scheme. Anyway, Sandy tells his son that "despite everything," he's still proud of him. Instead of answering this with a "thanks for the shitty compliment, Dad!" Seth comes clean about what started the NewNewport Group fire. He looks properly ashamed of himself, and Sandy says that he appreciates Seth's honesty now, but is upset with him for lying so much about everything before, and, most of all, for not coming to Sandy about all this in the first place. Seth says that he was embarrassed about his many personal failings, and the few times that he tried to talk to Sandy about them, Sandy was too busy with his job. And Kirsten is an unstable alcoholic, so Seth wasn't going to go to her with anything, either. Plus, they all spent most of their time off-camera on the back burner while Marissa had her storylines that went nowhere. Sandy admits that they both screwed up this time. "We're both usually so awesome!" Seth says. Hee, I love him again. Sandy says that, while the matter isn't over, it won't interfere with Seth's big day today, which Sandy and Kirsten have been looking forward to "forevah." Seth and Sandy hug manfully, but Seth can't express his love for Sandy because Sandy is another man and Seth is suddenly a giant homophobe. I don't like him anymore.
Summer finds Marissa sitting in a study hall. "Can you sit?" Marissa asks her. Summer can sit, because she, unlike some people on this show, doesn't have a stick up her ass. Marissa tells Summer that Jimmy is captaining boats for rich people now and has invited his daughter to work on his yacht for a year while it sails to Greece as part of Jimmy's continuing efforts to Ruin His College-Bound Daughter's Life. Marissa wants to go, even though she didn't have the warmest of feelings for her father the last time she saw him and has never expressed a particular fondness or ability to do the grunt work her new job would entail. As she's said over and over again these last few weeks, Marissa doesn't think she's ready for college right now, and this will give her a new life and a change. Or a new death and a change into not breathing anymore. It's "the perfect graduation present," Marissa says. Enh, not really. I got a car from my parents, and that pretty much kicked ass. Hell, I'd prefer a toy car to a year of deck-swabbing and potato-peeling with the father who has let me down and abandoned me and my mother time and again. Marissa will be flying out to where the boat's docked in Hawaii tomorrow night. Summer is very sad about this, but also -- and this is probably just my imagination -- relieved and hopeful about her Marissa-free future. The girls hug each other. Lots of hugging in this episode.