Kaitlin is spending her morning with the Wards (and who wouldn't?) composing a romantic email to BULLET from Julie. The Wards, of course, suggest that she write that she "can't wait to get two big handfuls of butt," because, as Kaitlin points out, they really do like talking about other men's butts. Also, the Cute Ward got a haircut and looks cuter than ever. Clown Ward did not get a haircut, and thus looks clownier than ever. Pity. Kaitlin isn't thrilled with the idea of having her mom say she wants to feel BULLET's butt, but does it anyway when the Wards assure her that the way to a man's heart is through his butt. And so, Fake Julie's email reads "Dear Bullit (I've been spelling it wrong all this time. Oh well), I've missed you so much. I'm so excited your [sic] coming home... I miss your butt. Love, Julie."
Sandy finds Ryan in the poolhouse sitting on his bed and totally sulking about his failed relationship with Taylor. He invites Ryan out to lunch and to help him pick up Kirsten's birthday present. Ryan agrees to go and says he's fine with Taylor needing time away from him. Ryan looks really cute today. That's like the third guy whose looks I've praised. If I start finding BULLE(I)T attractive, I'm going to have to stop this recap and go out on a date or something. As soon as Sandy's out of the poolhouse, Ryan grabs the scrapbook out from under his bed and starts looking through it. Awww.
Taylor goes to therapy. "I need help, Doctor," she says. "Admitting that is the first step in recovery," the therapist says, and already I'm pretty sure she's not a very good therapist. Anyway, Taylor says she's here because she read this doctor's article about emotional addiction and that's what Taylor needs help with right now, since her father was absent and her mother was "Idi Amin with fake boobs." Of all the physical differences between Idi Amin and Mrs. T, the fake boobs are probably the most subtle. Anyway, now Taylor knows she's way too desperate to be loved and it's going to ruin her relationship with Ryan if she doesn't get help. Except now that she asked him for space, she's been stalking him. But in a good way, Taylor maintains. The kind that produces an "aesthetically pleasing scrapbook." Followed by an aesthetically pleasing restraining order. Taylor wonders if she's a lunatic. "You are not a lunatic," Therapist says even though they've only been speaking for two minutes and everything Taylor's said so far kinda points to her being a lunatic. She says she'll do whatever the therapist tells her to do, even though Therapist says her methods are "very aggressive." So now Taylor will have an emotional addiction to the Therapist instead of Ryan, I guess.