The O.C.
The Lonely Hearts Club

Episode Report Card
Djb: B | Grade It Now!
The Maddest Lib
Seth sits alone on his hotel bed (sorry, but if Wildstorm can't afford three rooms for them, they also can't afford a checkout time nine hours after checkout, and with a morning meeting and a trip only back to L.A., it is inconceivable that the company would book the room for them for an additional night), and Summer is soon to enter. She sits down next to him and asks, "Okay, Cohen, you want to explain that meltdown before?" He sits in an I'm-dumb-and-all-of-my-decisions-are-bad-ones silence, and she tells him that if he has something to say, this is his chance. He tells her that he's decided to lay off the caffeine forever, and she responds, "Fine. But don't say I didn't ask." Zach lumbers [ADVERB]-ily around in the adjoining room, finally coming and in asking if they're ready to go. Seth says that he thinks he might just take the bus, and Zach shoots back a cold, "Fine with me," adding that now that they're not taking their child home with them, they might as well just stay in the room for an extra night, seeing as it is Valentine's Day and all. Seth ambles out. Sad looks abound, mostly from Seth.

Sandy puts on a tie and prepares for the noose to tighten even further around his marriage. His cell phone rings, and he inadvisably answers it to find Rebecca on the other end. She tells him that she had expected his voicemail, and that she didn't want to disappear without saying goodbye. But she is disappearing, and she begs, "Don't try to talk me out of it." Ooooo…kaaaaay… She tells him that her chances of "getting off" are slim, and as long as she keeps dividing his attention from his wife's, so are Sandy's chances, really. He asks if it's worth trying, and she says she doesn't think so now that her father has had his green tea burial. She says she's leaving tonight and asks if there's a chance he could say goodbye in person. No. There is not. Go away, Kim Delaney, and take your homewrecking revolutionary hoodoo with you. Kirsten walks into the room looking radiant in her evening finery just at this moment, and Sandy tells Rebecca, "Let me get back to you." Sandy explains to her that Rebecca is leaving for "god knows where," and Kirsten again says that she won't try and stop him. Try and stop him! He leaves, telling her, "I'll be right back" in that ironic horror movie way that means he's about to have his head sliced off by a haunted garage door.

Go Greyhound. And leave the driving to…hey, where is everyone? Seth sits alone on a bus because every single person between San Diego and Orange County has a car except for him right now. Meanwhile, back in the hotel room, Zach tells Summer, "I think we actually salvaged Valentine's Day." Summer says that Cohen "did his best to destroy it," and Zach counsels her, "I don't think he's ever gonna get over you." Summer says those are his issues, not hers, adding, "Fate handed us this dream date." Of being in a hotel room in San Diego? Dream come true, y'all. All of which is a big prelude for Summer to suggest that they "make the most of it." I think she means s-e-x. He tells her that, before they do anything, he has to tell her something, a potential plot breakthrough cock-blocked by the sound of a ringing cell phone. Maybe it's someone's combined set of parents, asking where the hell they're been for the past forty-eight hours. He asks who it is and she tells him, "It doesn't matter," and we cut back to Seth on the bus, listening to Summer's voicemail. He does not leave a message. What's Zach's secret? Back at the hotel, Zach is assumedly explaining his mysterious third nipple to Summer.

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The O.C.




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