The O.C.
The Lonely Hearts Club

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The Maddest Lib
Hi, clever cameraman? We know who's at the door. We spot Lindsay's face as she opens the front door of her house, and then we spot a red rose traveling up in some mystery person's hand. It's the Sultan of Brunei! No, wait. It's the Planter's Peanut guy! No, wait. One more guess. Is it Kate Pierson of the B-52's? I'd love to get a red rose from her. She's a pretty lady. Finally the hand reveals itself to be attached to TV's own Ryan Atwood. Lindsay takes it, looking somewhat skeptical, and reminds him, "You said we should take a break." Oh, who remembers when they said they are on a break and when they said they're not on a break anymore? He tells her that it didn't occur to him "at the time" that Valentine's Day was coming up. Out of the mouth's of continuity-challenged writers. They say the darndest things. She whines, "You didn't want to be alone on Valentine's Day. Awwww!" You know, I kind of liked Lindsay when she first rolled into town, with her antiestablishment scowl and faux, bumper sticker activism. But she's left much of her character in her dilapidated trunk, and proper speech seems to have been mothballed with it. She kind of just talks in vowels now. "You are suzhagirl!" Eh? "Suzhagirl." WHAT? SUZH! A! GIRL! Did she have some invasive work done on her gums? Also, she used to be good at physics. But that was a long, long time ago.

Ryan, frighteningly the more articulate of the pair, asks if they can "take time off from taking time off," and Lindsay agrees, on the single condition that Ryan "apologize to Caleb." She tells him she knows this whole thing isn't Ryan's fault, but she's going to be spending a lot of time at the grotto while he's convalescing, so she wants things to be chill between all of them. This is a horrible idea. A terribly, horrible, we've-seen-this-scene-and-the-next-twelve-scenes-it-causes already-twelve-times idea.

Summer stands in her pink-ass room thinking about how glad she is she's not a fat chick. So, SO glad. A knock on the door reveals Seth, who tells her he wants to "touch base" (meaning "touch boobies") before Zach arrives. She asks him if there's something he wants to talk about, causing him to awkwardly ask the same of her. They unbanter (the unbanter! now with no caffeine or charm!) for a while, until Summer finds the plot and tells Seth that there is something she wants to ask him. And here it is: "Are these earrings too bling for a meeting?" Oh, god. They're totally driving into San Diego in a Diet Pepsi truck, aren't they? Don't say "bling." It just made my whole TV whiter. He tells her to shut the eff up about the earrings -- oh, wait, I have confused myself with Seth Cohen AGAIN. He tells her in a somewhat downcast fashion that the earrings are fine. He changes the topic again, telling her that he knows things can get "weird" with the three of them working together, but Summer puts the kibosh on this line of discussion because doing so insures that it WILL NEVER COME UP AGAIN -- yeah, right -- telling him that she's really fine with it. She adds, "I just want us to kick ass on our pitch. I really care about this comic book." Caring enough for a national audience is so much to carry it's going to give the poor thing scoliosis. Because, well, care about the comic book, and you care alone. Because man, for a kid who was grounded for sneaking out of the house so often, his parents don't even seem to notice he's gone. Odd. A knock on the door reveals Zach and a mood-changing music cue, both of whom barge in with non-sequitur idiot-tude. Summer urges Seth, "Move it, Cohen. San Diego's not driving to us." Driving to us! Remember that time that Summer said that thing that totally blew my mind?

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The O.C.

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