Previously on The O.C.: Ryan claimed he knew what Marissa wanted' Marissa vacantly informed Lady Heather that she wanted to live with her father; Seth asked Anna for training in "the ways of women"; Rachel irritated millions simply by existing, Sandy took on a boring environmental case targeting Caleb's development company; Rachel refused to drop fucking dead; and Ryan and Marissa made out on a Ferris wheel.
Bamp-chicka-bow-wow. Porn. I am watching porn, people. And it's not even good porn, because it's Marissa, prone on the pool-house futon, panting and gasping as Ryan moves into the frame from somewhere below the belt loops on her low-rise cargo pants. They're both clothed, so I have no idea what he was doing down there, exactly, but it's nice to know frottage is now an acceptable manner of displaying affection in prime-time programming. They mack, and when Ryan starts sucking on her neck, Marissa shudders and giggles, "Ticklish!" "Sorry," Ryan mumbles, not terribly sorry at all. This goes on for quite some time until Marissa realizes that it's nearly 11, and if she doesn't head back to Jimmy's soon, she'll miss curfew. She pushes herself up into a sitting position to slip on her extravagantly ugly flats, but Ryan playfully snatches them away from her and collapses back on the bed. She follows, photogenically resting her head on his chest. Good God, Ben McKenzie is pretty. He needs to do something about those bangs, though. Marissa exposits that she hasn't spoken with Lady Heather since moving out of the house. Before she can launch into a full-scale rant about her wicked bitch of a mother, though, Ryan hushes her with a soft "hey." He stares up at the ceiling for a bit in silence, and then tentatively wonders if they could "spend a whole night together" that weekend. Marissa slowly raises her head to gaze at him, her expression characteristically unreadable. Ryan misinterprets her vacuity as hesitation, and mutters, "You know, we could, uh, go out? Do something? Finally have our first official date?" Marissa smiles, "Saturday night." Ryan grins back at her, and they mash their faces into each other again for some more macking.
Kirsten raps on the door a couple of times and barges in without waiting for Ryan's response. She babbles, "Hey, Ryan, Sandy's stuck at the o-o-oh, my God!" Heh. Marissa immediately bolts upright as Kirsten continues, "I am so. Sorry!" Marissa grabs her shoes and makes as graceful an exit as is possible under the circumstances as Kirsten continues stammering her apologies. Ryan, meanwhile, draws his knees up to his chest, offering his foster mother an impenetrable look. Once Marissa's gone, Kirsten turns to Ryan and somewhat helplessly admits, "This never happened with Seth." Hee! And with that, we head into the opening credits.