The O.C.
The Perfect Couple

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
The Lady Prevaricates

Divorce Dunes. Marissa brightly unlocks the door and calls out a greeting to her father, but stammers to a halt when she spots Lady Heather on the sofa. Lady Heather has the oddest effect on the women in this show, doesn't she? "What are you doing here?" Marissa finally demands once she's regained her composure. Jimmy enters the frame to feed Marissa the same line of bullshit Lady Heather fed him, to wit: "Your mother was just in the neighborhood and dropped by to see how we're doing?" Whatever, Jimmy. You call me when the shuttle lands. "How are we doing, Mom?" Marissa sneers. Jimmy tells his daughter to cool it and sit down for a chat with her parentals. Lady Heather adopts a look of fond concern and explains that she's hosting the Children's Hospital benefit that Saturday evening, and that she'd like the Coopers to attend as a family. She also stresses that it's all "for the children." Snicker. Like this hard-as-nails bitch gives a rat's ass about little Chemo Kayla and her buds in the cancer ward. Lady Heather adds, "This party is a chance for us to show the community that we still belong." Poor Lady Heather. You can take the chronically insecure gold-digging maneater out of Riverside, but you can't take the Riverside out of the chronically insecure gold-digging maneater, no? "Yes, we've suffered some setbacks," Lady Heather continues, casting a subtly foul sidelong glance at Jimmy. "Your father's business in particular." Snerk. "But it's important for us to show everyone that the Cooper family is back." "Why do you care what other people think?" Marissa spits. "Look, Marissa," Jimmy interrupts. "No one has fewer nice things to say about your mother than me." Lady Heather purses her lips, lifts her brows, and glowers. Ha! Jimmy concludes: "But she's been pouring her heart out to me, and I think you're going to want to hear what she has to say." Lady Heather, pouring her heart out? Well, I suppose that explains the bitter, black bile staining Jimmy's carpet and walls. Lady Heather summons no small amount of willpower and forces her tear ducts open to moisten her eyes. She mistily apologizes for trying to pack Marissa off to the lunatic asylum in San Diego. "Everything I cared about was falling apart," Lady Heather explains, "and I was blaming everyone but myself." Marissa, moron that she is, falls for this crap, and shamefacedly averts her gaze from her mother's eyes. "I just want us to feel like a family again," Lady Heather lies, "and I'm going to need your help. Will you help me?" With that, she offers Marissa her left hand. Marissa pauses for a very long moment, and then wraps her fingers around her mother's. Lady Heather beams. Wickedly.

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The O.C.

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