The O.C.

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B | 433 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Hammer Time

Back at the hospital, Luke's "accident" makeup consists of blush and lipstick. Marissa enters sadly and asks if he's okay. Because it's all about her, Luke immediately starts apologizing that he didn't mean for any of it to happen, but that he didn't have anyone! I don't have anyone either, but I'm not about to have sex with Lady Heather. ["Oh, Joanna, now, come on. Have you seen that ass? I mean, really seen it?" -- Wing Chun] Luke explains that he's going away to "give things a chance to go back to normal for [Marissa]," because as long as he's around, they won't. What about normal for him? I hate how everyone is always throwing themselves on their swords for Marissa, who doesn't do anything to earn such undying allegiance. Luke needs to know one thing before he leaves, though: can she forgive him? She can, she says, and then takes his hand and kisses it. She says she'll miss him, pats his hair, and sobs her way out of the room. Ryan walks to the bedside as Luke sniffles and looks away, before asking who ever would have thought when Ryan moved to Newport that Luke would be the one who had to leave? Well, considering the entire show is about Ryan and not Luke, for one: me. Luke thought he'd live in Newport his whole life, and if that's the case, he's really doing himself a favor here. Ryan insists that he'll start a new life, and Luke jokes that he'll show up in Portland and fall for the girlfriend of the captain of the football team, to which Ryan responds, "And he can kick your ass." Luke laughs and mutters, "Welcome to Portland, bitch." The boys laugh, and Luke says he'll email or drop back in some time. I hope he does. Ryan leaves, but not before wishing Luke luck.

Marissa waits outside the hospital room and immediately launches into a tirade against Lady Heather. She hates her so much! Lady Heather tried to drive Ryan away, destroyed Jimmy, and nearly killed Luke! I know Lady Heather's no Mother Teresa, but two of those three things aren't really on her, and Marissa should know that. Marissa says she has to do something, and Ryan's all, "Okay. So where're we going?"

We cut to Marissa busting into Caleb's office at the Newport Group. He welcomes her, asking if everything's okay. She whines that it's not okay; they need to talk about her mom, and he was just thinking the same thing! Caleb takes over the conversation, explaining that although he knows Marissa and her mother have had a "rocky" year, he was hoping they could put the past behind them. Marissa alleges that Caleb has no idea what Lady Heather is like or what she's done, and he cuts her off with a knowing "I know. I know. Everything." Huh? Does he really know everything, or does he just think he knows everything? I'll bet we find out soon enough! Caleb suggests that it's time for their relationship to heal and make a fresh start, because family is very important to him and he wants them to be a real family! He says that Caitlyn deserves that, as well as to be let out of the trunk they're keeping her in until she gets past that awkward adolescent stage. Marissa whines that they already have a dad, which Caleb insists he knows; he's not trying to replace Jimmy. In fact, as of today, he's Jimmy's only chance! Caleb explains that he offered to buy The Lighthouse from Jimmy and Sandy for several million dollars, and considering it would never have opened otherwise, it's a good deal for them. He perches on the end of the desk as he threatens that if he changes his mind, Jimmy will be "ruined, penniless, run out of town." In that case, he can hang out with Theresa. Marissa deduces that this is where she comes in, as Caleb calmly states that she is important to her mother, and that her mother is important to him. He asks her to be part of the family, since she's already part of the wedding. And when did that happen? Caleb announces that after he and Lady Heather are married, Marissa will come live with her family in Caleb's house. That's a kind of creepy demand, if you ask me. When Marissa suggests that he's joking, Caleb ominously says, "It would mean everything to her." Marissa vacantly stares, and then nods her assent. She confirms that he'll definitely buy the restaurant, which he will, as long as their conversation remains confidential. She snits, "You mean you wouldn't want my mom to know that you blackmailed me into living with her?" I don't know why, though; you'd think Lady Heather would consider that kind of devious behavior to be up there with good fro yo. Caleb ignores Marissa's allegation, and concludes that they have a deal. He herds her out of his office.

The O.C.

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