Hospital. Marissa is sprawled out on the waiting-room couch while Ryan takes up the tiniest inch. Mr. Ward returns to announce that Luke is awake, and that they can go home now. He thanks them for waiting. Marissa considers, and then asks him to tell Luke that she's there and would like to see him. Mr. Ward grins knowingly while Marissa hunches up on the couch like Gollum.
At The Big House, Lady Heather is already in full-blown wedding-planning mode, wondering whether she should ask Diana Cohen for advice, since she's been married at least a half a dozen times. Kirsten wearily takes this in, until Lady Heather notices and asks why she's not excited. When Kirsten explains that it was a rough night, Lady Heather knowingly mimes throwing back a drink. Hee. Seth trudges into the room, and Kirsten wonders why he isn't asleep; he's all, "Because Summer's a slave driver?" He asks if Ryan came back yet from the hospital, and Lady Heather happily perks up, all, "Hospital?" Clearly she likes hearing the words "hospital" and "Ryan" in such close proximity. Kirsten is surprised that Lady Heather hasn't heard the news yet about Luke's wrapping his car around a telephone pole. She adds that it was just a few blocks from The Big House, and that Luke was drinking, which is "so unlike him." How would Kirsten know, exactly? Seth looks concerned as he watches Lady Heather's initial reaction, then annoyed as she suggests that the accident occurred because Luke never recovered from his humiliation over his father's outing. Seth nods and snipes, "Yeah, that must be it."
At The Lighthouse, Caleb sidles up to the bar, ordering Jimmy to pour him a Bloody Mary, since it's the last drink they'll serve. Sandy asks if that's it, and Caleb states, "No license. No opening. No restaurant." Jimmy resignedly adds, "No comeback." Sandy can't believe that "as big a bad-ass" as Caleb is, he couldn't do better.Caleb responds that he had no affect on Liquor Commissioner and tells Jimmy that he "sure know[s] how to piss people off." He suggests that Jimmy could even teach him a thing or two, which is really saying something. Jimmy suggests that Caleb seems awfully glib, and Caleb cryptically responds that everything happens for a reason. Sandy proposes that he at least feign some sensitivity for their misfortune, and Caleb's all, "You know what they say: 'One man's misfortune is another man's fortune.'" Jimmy marvels that he's never seen Caleb smile before, and Sandy adds, "I didn't know he had teeth." Caleb tells them to make themselves some drinks, because they should talk. Jimmy and Sandy exchange skeptical glances, and so do Piglet and I. Who else thinks Caleb didn't talk to Liquor Commissioner?
Back at the hospital, Luke's "accident" makeup consists of blush and lipstick. Marissa enters sadly and asks if he's okay. Because it's all about her, Luke immediately starts apologizing that he didn't mean for any of it to happen, but that he didn't have anyone! I don't have anyone either, but I'm not about to have sex with Lady Heather. ["Oh, Joanna, now, come on. Have you seen that ass? I mean, really seen it?" -- Wing Chun] Luke explains that he's going away to "give things a chance to go back to normal for [Marissa]," because as long as he's around, they won't. What about normal for him? I hate how everyone is always throwing themselves on their swords for Marissa, who doesn't do anything to earn such undying allegiance. Luke needs to know one thing before he leaves, though: can she forgive him? She can, she says, and then takes his hand and kisses it. She says she'll miss him, pats his hair, and sobs her way out of the room. Ryan walks to the bedside as Luke sniffles and looks away, before asking who ever would have thought when Ryan moved to Newport that Luke would be the one who had to leave? Well, considering the entire show is about Ryan and not Luke, for one: me. Luke thought he'd live in Newport his whole life, and if that's the case, he's really doing himself a favor here. Ryan insists that he'll start a new life, and Luke jokes that he'll show up in Portland and fall for the girlfriend of the captain of the football team, to which Ryan responds, "And he can kick your ass." Luke laughs and mutters, "Welcome to Portland, bitch." The boys laugh, and Luke says he'll email or drop back in some time. I hope he does. Ryan leaves, but not before wishing Luke luck.