The O.C.
The Rager

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The Rager
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I guess most people know this by now, but Djb…well, he had to flee to Europe for a while after an unfortunate incident involving a movie he made when he was but a babe, and needed the money. I can't be too specific, but let's just say that no one at his office ordered pizza again until after he left. Until he gets back from Europe with revenge on his mind, I'll be subbing.

Sandy Cohen guzzles coffee in his kitchen while his latest pound puppy, Trey, tries to escape quietly. Trey should know better than to think he can fly under the radar of a man whose eyebrows could stare down a raging bull. Trey and Sandy dance the exposition tango so that everyone's clear that today is moving day, and Trey will soon be away from his brother. Sandy offers to help Trey move, but Trey demurs, insisting that the Cohens have done more than enough simply by putting him up and putting up with him. "Well, you're Ryan's brother. We're happy to help," Sandy smiles. Trey is impressed that the Cohens would be so nice to an ex-con. What Trey doesn't know is that if he'd shown up a month or so ago, he might've been able to stash himself in Sandy's office with a fugitive in dire need of some sexercise to lessen those jowls. The love fest concludes with Sandy telling Trey that he's officially part of the family. Before Trey can panic too much about whether Cohen DNA can be transmitted through contact, Sandy asks him if Ryan knows that he's leaving. Trey insists all is fine. "I don't know what happened with you guys," Sandy says. "I don't want to know. It doesn't matter who was wrong, but someone's going to have to be the first to reach out."

On cue, Ryan shuffles into the kitchen, mid-pout. Apparently the shaggy hair was a pretty effective minimizer: Ryan's newly trimmed coif has the strange effect of making his nose -- big but not intrusive, until now -- look larger than life. If this principle applies to other body parts, then we can expect a dramatic hour of Cohen family crotch-waxing. Sandy whistles at how incredible the timing is in this crazy household, because the show can't stand not being self-referential for five seconds. Then Sandy leaves them alone, at which point Trey walks awkwardly up to Ryan. "I appreciate everything you and the Cohens have done for me," Trey says. "Funny way of showing it," Ryan says, stepping on Trey's line a tad too much -- to the point where I'm surprised no one wrote a line of dialogue for Trey that said, "Dude, if this were a show, you'd be stepping on my lines." Trey reminds us all that, yes, he messed up, and Seth, Marissa, and Ryan had to cover for his misbehavior. Apparently, he finds fault with Summer and Zach's participation in the festivities, because he doesn't acknowledge their help. Trey begs Ryan to accept his apology, and holds out a paw for Ryan to shake. Ryan ignores this and goes to get his java fix, leaving Trey to execute a slow, rueful exit with one last backward glance -- staged so that the kitchen island stands between them. Ryan gazes out the window, blissfully unaware of this symbolic blocking.

It's sunny and idyllic in Newport Beach -- as if you thought pretty people ever really have to endure bad weather. Marissa bounces through the school in her thin white shirt, which through the magic of TV manages not to be transparent the way it would be on a normal person. She greets Ryan and Seth at the lockers and cheerfully asks if Trey moved into his new place today. "Yeah," grunts Ryan. Ignoring his tone, Marissa suggests that they go by and give Trey a housewarming present. "He doesn't need anything," Ryan says, moving books in and out of his locker in an epileptic way that only a heavily edited high-schooler can achieve. "Are you sure?" Seth asks. "He doesn't exactly seem overburdened with possessions. Unless that bag of his is like Mary Poppins'…" Here, Ryan glares at Seth, even though clearly, that was an awesome thing to say. "I wish I'd never made that reference," Seth immediately says, trailing off. Don't be ashamed, Seth. You're right to think that everything in life comes back to Julie Andrews one way or another. Ryan snaps that they all need to learn to let go of Trey, A Drop Of Golden Sun, and isn't receptive to Seth and Marissa's joint insistence that it might be time to forgive Trey for his transgressions by singing about a few of their favorite things. "[He stole] only because he wanted to be near you," Marissa says, healthily twisting the kind of logic that's kept battered women in abusive homes since the dawn of time. "He's my brother. Leave him alone," Ryan growls. He stomps off. Far off. It's a long, long way to run, or so the rumor goes. You know, I get that Trey screwed up again, but I also feel like Ryan's rocky relationship with Caleb ought to make him a little more careful about being inflexible.

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The O.C.

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