The O.C.
The Risky Business

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Going Once, Going Twice...No Sale

Previously on The O.C.: Julie Cooper. Currently on The O.C.: oval eggs toppling toward the floor in dramatic slo-mo. Aaaaaand that pretty much sums up where things are just at the moment.

Plink plink plinkety-plonk! The Plucked Strings Of Get Some New Music Cues, Show, ring out as morning has once again come to the Cohen manse. We pop in on Trey "The Second Becky Conner" Atwood, trying to look tough while cracking a farm-fresh egg on a very expensive bowl, but it's difficult to maintain the tough-kid ruse when you're surrounded by the latest finery from Restoration Pottery Pier And Barrel. Just ask his brother. Oh, look. You can ask him yourself. Ryan comes in just then and asks his brother, "What're you making? Mom's hangover special?" Trey asks, "What do you mean? A pack of smokes and a fresh cocktail?" Woohoo! Fun mom! Ryan tsk-tsks this obviously true statement, and I have to respect him for trying to deflect the blame from the previous generation, because I have a theory that you have to stop blaming your parents for how badly they fucked you up on the day of your twenty-fifth birthday, which for Ryan has now taken place some eight years hence. Instead, he goes for the coffee pot (which, again, is an automatic reflex for any thirty-three-year-old) as his brother lets him know that the recipe is something he "picked up in prison." We'll let Seth cover the snark for us on this one, as he enters the kitchen just then and notes that Trey must be referring to "the old scallion and shiv omelet." Seriously. If Trey wanted to show them what he really learned to make in prison, he'd be in there with his safety goggles down, soldering a license plate. Seth -- who is returning to first-season levels of attractiveness (because everything WAS better last year, I agree unironically) in a hideous grandpa sweater he actually makes work -- continues the banter: "I've seen Lock Up. Stallone's finest work since Over the Top." Stop! Or my mom will...agree. Except that Lock Up was actually his only work since Over the Top, with the exception of his fortieth Rambo sequel and an appearance on The Pyramid. Is that part of the joke? Trey proclaims himself "more of a Van Damme fan," which would be like saying, "Yeah, Coupling is okay, but it's no American Coupling." And Ryan introduces a third element into the trashy pop-culture action pantheon with the sentiment, "What, are you kidding me? Seagal, man!" Me, I'm more of a Rainier Wolfcastle guy. Look out, Fallout Boy!

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