The O.C.
The Secret

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Joanna: B- | Grade It Now!
He's Here, He's Queer, Get Used To It

Cheerful, squeaky music plays as we pan across water to coastline to houses and swimming pools to The Big House. Inside, Seth, in his bathrobe and boxers, boogies down the hallway to a happy Dandy Warhols song. As he disappears into the step from the hallway to the kitchen, the music halts; he reappears in the kitchen, hobbling, holding his head, and wondering aloud to Sandy if he has a fever "and/or the chills." Ryan skeptically asks, "Since when?" and Seth evasively responds, "Since recently." Sandy asks whether Seth's not feeling well, and Seth plaintively insists that he's fine, before producing a hammy cough. He further Buellers that his head is achy and his stomach is weird. Sandy feels his forehead while Seth makes puppy-dog eyes at him. Sandy concludes that Seth doesn't feel warm, and Seth hopefully asks, "What about cold or clammy?" When Ryan innocently proposes, "Maybe you've got the Summer flu?" Seth looks pleased for the backup and babbles that it's entirely possible. Ryan then pointedly continues, "Maybe you need some Anna-biotics." He stares Seth down for emphasis. All of this flies right past Sandy's head (or perhaps the eyebrows are obscuring his peripheral vision), as he asks whether Seth doesn't want to go to school. Seth insists that he does, but that he's "worried about infecting others." Sandy catches on, concluding that Seth is right; he suggests that they go straight to the emergency room, just to be sure. Seth agrees, but proposes an alternative: he can stay home and try to sleep it off! And maybe during that time, he and Ryan can steal Sandy's car, run off to the city, visit some museums, take a hot tub, and end up singing "Danke Schoen" on a float in a parade. Ryan suggests another option: Seth could go to school, face Ryan and Anna, and apologize. Seth responds, "First of all: uh, no. Second of all: hmm, no. Why would I?" Sandy looks amused by this exchange; his face lights up as he deduces, "Oh! The Summer flu! I just got it!" He crosses the kitchen to pat Ryan on the back and congratulate him: "That was good." Seth adds that it wasn't his fault both girls tried to kiss him on Thanksgiving -- what was he supposed to do? Not kiss back? Say "no" or "stop"? He didn't want to risk hurting their feelings! Sandy doubles back across the kitchen to point out that Seth already hurt their feelings. Seth agrees that he might have, but what about his feelings? He was the one who was assaulted! He's the victim here!

A robed Kirsten enters the kitchen wondering why Seth's not dressed yet. Sandy points out that she's not dressed either, adding, "Or is that what ladies are wearin' these days to yogilates?" When he tells Kirsten that Taryn called to remind her about the day's yogilates workshop, Seth's all, "Okay, Mom? Yogilates?" Kirsten groans and says she doesn't think she'll go because she's not feeling well. Seth says, "See? It's contagious!" but Sandy points out that she might still be hung over. Kirsten disbelievingly asks, "From what?" and Seth mocks, "Uh, gee. I don't know. Getting drunk and passing out on Thanksgiving?" As Kirsten claims that she only had two glasses of wine, Sandy emits a doubting "Whoa!" Kirsten corrects herself that she had three glasses of wine, and Seth flashes ten fingers at Ryan, mouthing, "Ten!" However many glasses of wine she had, Kirsten is sure that Lady Heather has already spread the word that she has a drinking problem. Sandy suggests that's exactly why she has to go to yogilates -- because "those chatty little Noopsies" will just assume she's home sleeping off another bender. Ryan pipes up that, likewise, Summer and Anna will both assume Seth is too afraid to face them. Seth responds, "Hey! I'm not afraid of Summer and Anna, all right? Well, I'm not afraid of Anna." Hee. Sandy and Ryan conclude that Seth and Kirsten are going to school and yogilates, respectively. Kirsten whines that Sandy just likes saying "yogilates," which is good, because I just like hearing him say it. He happily responds, "Yogilates? I kind of do." Grinning, and heaving his eyebrows at Kirsten (because "raising" doesn't cut it in Peter Gallagher's case), he zestfully repeats various pronunciations of the word "yogilates." Kirsten joins Seth at the kitchen table, failing to understand why Sandy and Ryan are acting so smug. Seth proposes that it's because, for once, they didn't do anything wrong. Sandy agrees that it's true; he and Ryan earnestly toast each other before turning to stare down Kirsten and Seth. Kirsten advises them to enjoy it because -- knowing the two of them -- it won't last long. Sandy tips his coffee mug her way and enthusiastically proclaims, "Yogilates."

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The O.C.




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