Ryan and Taylor watch the non-Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Taylor uses it as an example of how tragic it is when someone is too afraid to say he loves someone else. Ever-literal, Ryan says that's probably for the best, since the chances of things working out between a beautiful young woman and a hunchback who lives in a bell tower aren't great. Taylor says she's talking about bigger things than the movie, and Ryan gets the hint and tries to say he loves her... but chickens out. I think the fact that he tried should really be enough for her. Especially since they've only been dating for like six months. Also, stop basing your life decisions around men, Taylor. Go to the college you want to, not the college your boyfriend is going to. Don't be like Topanga from Boy Meets World.

After the commercial, Taylor is writing a letter to Berkeley to decline her scholarship. She also says this is also the obituary for her and Ryan's relationship. Drama queen. Summer jokingly tells Taylor to tie Ryan down and shoot him up with sodium pentathol to get him to say he loves her. Taylor, of course, thinks this is an awesome idea. Summer bargains her down to getting him drunk, courtesy of the Roberts wine cellar. Does Dr. Neil know about this? Between Julie selling off his stuff and Summer's friends drinking the rest, by the time Dr. Neil reclaims that house it's going to be empty.

Ryan comes home from a ten-mile jog to find Sandy in the kitchen watching Seth set up for a day of experimental video shooting out back. Has it been 72 hours yet? Where's the earthquake? It looked like it would be so awesome in the previews. I can't wait! Sandy asks Ryan about his relationship woes, having somehow figured out that Ryan is wondering if he should tell Taylor he loves her for her birthday. Sandy says a love proclamation "changes everything," which is a good reason why it shouldn't be cheapened by this silent ultimatum thing Taylor's doing. It doesn't make sense and we've seen it like three times already this season, and now we're forced to watch it instead of an earthquake! Sandy tells Ryan to just be honest and tell Taylor how he feels. Great advice there, Father Figure. And with that settled, Sandy and Ryan focus on what Seth's doing outside.