Summer tells Taylor that the night will go great and that her plan will work once Ryan gives her the romantic present. If I hear the word "romantic" again, I'm going to call up Mrs. Spitz and do tequila shots. Taylor wonders if she should act surprised when she enters the party. Summer points out that it isn't a surprise party. Taylor decides to do it anyway. They stroll into what I'm guessing is The Pav, and Taylor is greeted by all the opening cast members and Frank. Why is he invited? I don't know. Taylor jumps and says this is a great surprise. Sandy's all "I didn't know it was a surprise party!" sounding very disappointed that he didn't get a chance to get in on the surprise party fun and jump out from behind a couch or something. Ryan gives Taylor a kiss on the cheek and not the lips. He goes to get Taylor a drink and I hope it's a non-alcoholic one since they're still supposed to be minors. Julie and Kaitlin hug Taylor. Aw, that's sweet.
A shameful cover of a Pixies' song plays as Seth films Taylor surveying her table of presents. Okay, who's the wiseass that gave Taylor a bike? Sandy looks over at Kirsten, who is, of course, sitting at a table by herself and looking sad. Can't you fake it just once, Kirsten? For Taylor's party? Sandy takes a seat next to Kirsten and says they can move away from Newport. "But this is our home," Kirsten says. Okay then... I guess there's no solution and you'll keep being sad, which is probably what you want. "I just don't think I can," Kirsten moans. The scene cuts away here because even the camera is sick of Kirsten now.
Taylor unwraps her presents, which are wrapped in that time-honored TV-only method of wrapping the box the present is inside with the cover and box wrapped separately. Seth gives Taylor a replica of the sword from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Summer urges Taylor to unwrap Ryan's present next. He tells her not to, saying the present is "personal." "Ryan's embarrassed!" Kirsten says. Wow, I can't believe she managed to stop thinking about herself for three seconds. Taylor unwraps the gift to find... a dictionary. Oh. Kirsten tries to make the best of it and says it's a practical gift. "The guy said that it had more words than others," Ryan says. "Well, that's good, being as it is a dictionary," Sandy says with an eye roll. Hey man, you were the guy who was dopily asking about surprise parties a minute ago. Don't throw stones.
Julie goes to the bathroom. The door closes behind her, and there's a sign on it. It's Frank's mug shot and criminal record with "This guy loves clown porn!!" written on it. Ahahahahahahahaha! Julie furiously rips the sign down. She should be mad -- that libel suit Frank's going to file against Julie on behalf of her minor daughter is not going to be pretty. Nice GQ mug shot by the way, Frank.