The O.C.
The Ties That Bind

Episode Report Card
Joanna: A | 1 USERS: A+
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The Honeymoon Is Over

At The Big House for Wayward Chino Near-Adults, Kirsten stomps around the kitchen and rants into the phone about Caleb's hatred of cilantro. Sandy jazzes into the kitchen (and there's really no better description for how Peter Gallagher enters a room than "jazzes") and snarks, "Somebody get me some cilantro!" Hee. Kirsten continues raging into the phone that Caleb also won't have colored lights at his wedding -- he'll have all white lights. I've always been a fan of the colored lights, but I'm not sure even the biggest fan of colored lights has them at his/her wedding. Kirsten adds that colored lights remind Caleb of a carnival, and that he "hates carnies." It kind of makes me wonder what happened in Caleb's life to engender such an avowed hatred of all members of the carnival community. Did he get lost in a fun house? Did his wallet fly out of his pocket on the swings? Did a clown poke fun at his bald spot? Sandy's all, "Note to self: hang with carnies." There's a fourth-season episode for you.

Kirsten hangs up, announcing that the wedding rehearsal is now confirmed, which means the wedding is actually happening. Have these people never seen a television show before? A wedding rehearsal is absolutely no indicator that a wedding will actually take place. Sandy snits, "Never have two people deserved each other more," while Kirsten expresses disbelief that Caleb will be walking down the aisle with a black eye. I'm a little disappointed that Hailey apparently couldn't even get in a punch, because a bride and groom with matching shiners would have been quite stylish. Sandy backstories that the black eye came from Jimmy, and grumbles that had he punched Caleb, the result would have been a more satisfying broken nose. Kirsten asks what the odds are that Sandy and Caleb will make up before the wedding, and Sandy's all, "Not. Good. At all." When Kirsten wheedles that it's important to her -- "A daughter wants her father to be happy on his wedding day" -- Sandy says he thought it was supposed to be the other way around. Kirsten commences with groveling, begging, neck-nuzzling, and licking to wear Sandy down into submission. Sandy holds out, complaining that Caleb sabotaged his restaurant and committed fraud! Sandy can't possibly forgive him! Smoochy-sounding kisses follow. (I only hear the sounds because I cover my eyes; much as I love Kirsten and Sandy and think they have great chemistry, the smoochy sound effects gross me out every time.) It works for Sandy, though, who admits that he could pretend to forgive Caleb; he offers to apologize through crossed fingers.

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The O.C.

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