The O.C.
The Ties That Bind

Episode Report Card
Joanna: A | 1 USERS: A+
The Honeymoon Is Over

This sobers up Sandy, who asks what Caleb's talking about; in turn, Caleb asks what Sandy thought he was doing in Vegas. Sandy's all, "Flipping my restaurant for a tidy sum." Was there some reason Sandy should have thought otherwise? Caleb announces that he was trying to save the Newport Group, and that selling The Lighthouse was the only thing that could have kept the property afloat. When Sandy marvels at Kirsten's silence on the subject, Caleb confesses that she is unaware of the company's losses because her division -- residential real estate -- is the only one making a profit. Sandy suggests that Caleb try to sell the property to someone else, and Caleb surprisingly does not jump up from his seat, exclaim, "Why didn't I think of that?," and head down to the local farmer's mart to barter off a restaurant and chunk of the California coastline. Instead, Caleb explains that Robert Campbell was the only person to whom the plot of land was so meaningful. But if it's that meaningful to him, why not go back to him and try again? Sandy could go along -- the eyebrows can be quite persuasive. Sandy takes a very long time to conclude that the Newport Group's troubles are the reason behind Caleb's betrayal over The Lighthouse; he calls Caleb a "sneaky, not-so-successful son of a bitch." Caleb advises Sandy to enjoy it while it lasts, because the D.A. is all over him once again. He tells Sandy to have a nice day, and then heads out into the veldt wearing a safari hat and cracking a giant whip.

At The Non-Beautiful Blue Bachelor Pad, Marissa packs up all her shit. What a huge waste of Seth and Summer's hard work! Then again, since they both apparently exist for the sole purpose of doing manual labor for her, it's no biggie. Jimmy asks what Marissa's doing, and she explains that she's "preparing to move into The House on Haunted Hill." We see her pack up a picture of herself and Jimmy, and can briefly make out that the identical picture is hanging on the wall right behind her. It's probably a really good picture of her, while Jimmy has broccoli in his teeth and a giant cowlick. We all know what matters. Jimmy insists that Marissa doesn't have to move, because he's willing to give Caleb back his money! She worries that he'd have nothing then, and would have to move to Phoenix (where all newly moneyless people go, apparently); at least this way, she can still see Jimmy! Jimmy marvels that life wasn't this complicated when he was growing up, but that's only because his friends didn't have $2 million that he could mess everything up by stealing. Marissa whines that she feels like she's "constantly being punished for something," while Lady Heather just trucks onward. Jimmy points out that Lady Heather has to "wake up every morning and be [Lady Heather]," which he suggests is punishment enough. He suggests that they take a Balboa Bar break, but since Mischa Barton has already met all the food-scene requirements in her contract, Marissa takes a pass.

At The Big House for Wayward Chino Near-Adults, Sandy asks if Theresa's mom knows about the pregnancy yet. Ryan explains that Theresa isn't ready to tell her because that will make it seem real. As Kirsten scolds him, Sandy rants that it is real, and that there's no point in sugar-coating it. He recalls all the unwed mothers who came through his office when he was a public defender, and Kirsten cuts him off to ask whether he really thinks they don't understand the reality of the situation. Ryan looks alarmed that Kirsten is so riled up, while Sandy continues obliviously focusing on Ryan. He swings an arm over Ryan's shoulder and announces, "Hey, look. We are who we are. And we'll help you through this." I have no idea what the "we are who we are" bit is, and whether it's left over from some musical Peter Gallagher once played a dandy in, but it's still a sweet moment. Seth appears in the kitchen just in time to announce that the Cohens did a good job raising him, which he says is "proof pudding." Speaking of pudding, he asks if they have any "tapioca on tap." He adds that he loves pudding because it's "so fun to say." In my recap, I put pudding on the "Adam Brody is adorable" list, but on second viewing, I'm more disturbed than anything else. "Pudding" goes on the list with "moist" and "panties" (and "swab" and "pool house" and "pee" and "underpants" in some circles) of words people should not ever say.

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The O.C.




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