In one episode alone, so many of this show's problems are addressed in semi-good fashion. Ryan and Kirsten spend some quality time together as she counsels him through his new relationship with Sadie, who all are happy to note is the exact opposite of Ryan's last girlfriend. Unfortunately, Jess the Drug Ho of Season 2 is back in town, and she needs Ryan's help RIGHT NOW, thereby interrupting his plans with others and becoming the exact opposite of the exact opposite of Ryan's last girlfriend. But this time, Sadie lets it be known that she won't stand for Ryan's White Knightness, and then he actually learns about the importance of minding his own business, and he and Sadie get to have sex. Meanwhile, Seth and Summer fear that their relationship is losing its spark and wonder if it's the end for them. Taylor Townsend involves herself and teaches Seth Kama Sutra. Seth and Summer learn to be passionate again, thanks to Seth's new Summer-punch-blocking skills, and they get to have sex. Marissa and Volchok learn nothing, but still get to have sex. A steamy sex montage, no less! Matt the Non-Entity doesn't get to have sex with anyone, although through a contrived series of events, Sandy thinks he had sex with Marissa and has to make a decision about whether or not to take him off of the all-important, none-interesting, hospital project. And the best part of all was that Marissa kept calling people to whine and cry to, but everyone except Volchok had something better to do.
Tonight's scandalous episode gets a special "viewer discretion is advised" warning. It probably goes without saying that I'm hoping this means Marissa will be murdered in a most gory fashion. It also probably goes without saying that this will never happen. Sigh. Oh, I should also mention that I'm writing the first half of this recap for the second time after my first draft was stolen when the computer it was saved on was taken from my apartment during a recent break-in. My second drafts tend to be a lot more bitter than the first, which is a pity since I recall liking this episode back in the days when I innocently believed that my fellow humans could be trusted not to jimmy my door open and look through my underwear drawer while I was at work.
Okay, enough about my problems. We open on Seth and Ryan playing some sort of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater rip-off game. I can't tell what it is since my glasses were also stolen out of my apartment and my backup pair is a less powerful prescription GODAMMIT GIVE ME MY STUFF BACK! WHAT DO YOU NEED MY FUCKING EYEGLASSES FOR?! Sorry, I swear I won't mention that again. Anyway, it's always a rare treat to see Ryan and Seth doing something teenager-y together. Summer's there, too, although she would rather watch her hair grow than them. She does muster up enough interest to nag Seth to prepare for his upcoming and out-of-nowhere Brown interview, and he answers that his new approach is not to think about it, which Summer replies is, of course, better than his old one. Then Sadie enters with a ton of junk food that the guys are all too happy to consume. Sadie takes advantage of their break to challenge Seth to Playstation-off, which everyone scoffs at since girls aren't good at videogames. This is probably a blessing for me, since it means that I didn't have a videogame system and games lying around for the asshole who broke into my apartment to make off with. I did, however, have a necklace given to me by my grandmother that meant a great deal to me and HOW COULD YOU STEAL A STAR OF DAVID NECKLACE YOU HEARTLESS EVIL BASTARD? I HOPE YOU FALL OVER AND LAND ON ONE OF THE STAR'S POINTS AND IT PIERCES YOUR SKIN AND YOU GET GANGRENE AND YOU DIE -- okay, I'll stop now. I really mean it this time. Probably.
Summer and Ryan excuse themselves to the kitchen so that Summer can talk to Ryan about his new girlfriend. She graciously says that she won't be weird about the fact that her boyfriend's best friend/adopted brother isn't dating her best friend/future stepsister anymore, and is now, in fact, dating Marissa's opposite. I'm sorry, but Sadie isn't exactly Marissa's opposite. For one thing, she's too thin. For another, she's too pathetic. She may not say she needs Ryan's help, but she certainly has availed herself of it plenty of times during her short stint on the show. Ryan also questions Summer's statement until he walks back into the living room to find that Sadie has beaten Seth at his own videogame. Sadie says she found a "cheat code" on the "internet," which I must admit does lend a bit more credence to Summer's opposite theory, since we all know that, when it comes to computers, Marissa would much rather use them as a projectiles than as information resources. Seth pronounces Sadie "a keeper," and awkwardness ensues, since Ryan and Sadie haven't defined their relationship yet. Ryan is happy to have an excuse to leave the room when the doorbell rings.